For the 3rd assignment of our #altMBA experience, we were asked to make a decision. This is the sort of homework one may snort at (perhaps in a PUHLEESE I CAN MAKE DECISIONS IN MY SLEEP COME ON sort of way).
And the truth is, I do make decisions pretty easily. I can muscle through goals, projects and quirky initiatives. From the outside, it looks like I’m taking risks and moving forward all the time.
But during my work on this assignment, I uncovered the fact that I am making surface-level decisions in order to avoid making larger decisions. I say yes (or no) easily to projects… but I avoid answering questions about market, profitability, sustainability and audience for my company.
This morning I was noodling about it: isn’t it time for some rigor and strategy? What’s with my aversion to commitment and plans for Plucky?
And then it hit me. Two years ago I started a Friday morning healthy and was diagnosed with a brain tumor by 9am. The day before, I’d had plans. I’d had 2 year goals and 10 year goals, life lists and vacation dreams. But the aftermath of brain surgery has wreaked havoc on my trust. Why plan anything if it could be taken from you from one day to the next?
It’s true that I’m nervous about spreadsheets and corporate strategy docs. They don’t sound much like me. But at the heart of any decision requiring a plan is a much deeper issue that needs some healing.
In the end, the most powerful decision I have to make is one of faith.
I’m deciding to hope. I am here. I will be here. I can make plans.