Today for the hundred thousand time I looked in the mirror and stared at myself and wished I was different. I stood there and wished was 10 kg’s lighter, pushed and pulled at myself imagining a thinner and more toned me. I have been on a weight loss jounery for nearly a year now and have lost just over 10kg’s but over the last few months I have put on 4kg’s. By enjoying chocolate and fast food again, I am mad at myself.
I am mad at myself for letting myself hate my body for year’s, even if I am overweight I can not expect myself to permanently loose these extra kilos if I dont accept myself and my body for what it is. I am never going to have the ‘ideal’ body that my mind desires, for example, I will never be those two inches taller that I wish I was. So why do I expect these ridiculous expectations to occur when they never will?
But what I can change is my weight, I do have control over that. But first I must accept my body for what it is at this moment, then I can truely help and nurture my body. Only then will I be able to assist my body in loosing this extra weight, I can’t be mad at myself and my body that only leads me into eating more and becoming more anxious (also larger).
As I set out on this journey I want to document it and share all my experiences. I want to share all of my feelings of guilt for letting myself not love and accept myself for who I am, my crazy and unpleasant anxiety, my failures and my love for exercise. By doing this I hope to assist my determination and to reach my goal and maybe to encourage others, and listen to their amazing stories.