Poetry

But I fought through

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Photo by Author

Today was tough
but I fought through.

Anxiety restricting every breath
Pain in my hands making it hard to type
(too many years of dog grooming?)
My usual happy place not so happy right now
A difficult topic to write about for work.

But I fought through —
A feat I rarely accomplish.

Today was tough
but tomorrow should be better.

About a month and a half ago, I wrote this poem about a bad day where I didn’t fight through as well as I did today:

It feels good to have had a day where I was able to battle through everything and finish what I set out to accomplish. Whether it was the result of my medication starting to kick in, being back in therapy, or the need to pay bills, I’m not sure. …


Poetry

“So what have you been up to?”

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Image by Alehandra13 on Pixabay

“So what have you been up to?”

I dread this question
from the infrequent caller.

I work.
I procrastinate.
I go to the beach.
This is my life now.
Little changes from day to day.

I started therapy.
Changed medications.
Boring topics.
I gloss over them,
sure the infrequent caller
isn’t that interested
and wouldn’t understand
if they were.

Between the pandemic and
my depression
my social anxiety
my new “red” location,
I have little desire to socialize.
What else is there to share?

Few changes on the
infrequent caller’s end, too. …


Poetry

America has agreed that writing is a talent; poetry is as powerful as a song.

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America has agreed
that writing is a talent;
poetry is as powerful as a song.

It inspires me to try harder,
practice more,
hone my skills,
and follow my dreams.

Powerful writing is
as awe-inspiring as magic,
as head-spinning as dancing,
as soul-touching as singing.

Writers are often
underappreciated,
underpaid,
undernoticed,
undervalued.

But we have as much value
as any other talented individual.
Most of our work may not be flashy
and some write only for themselves
with no audience in mind.

Hear this, though, fellow writers:
America has voted and agreed that
writing IS a talent.

This poem was inspired by the fact that a spoken word poet, Brandon Leake, just won America’s Got Talent. I’ve watched AGT since the third or fourth season and always felt like I didn’t have any talent. Brandon’s win is an affirmation to writers around the world that our skill is as valid as any other more mainstream “talent.” …


Am I experiencing my first mixed episode?

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Photo by Armin Lotfi on Unsplash

I have type 2 bipolar disorder and, as such, I’m far more prone to depression than mania. In fact, it’s been several years since I’ve had a manic episode, but the last few nights have been a fresh round of hell.

According to the Mayo Clinic: “Bipolar II disorder is not a milder form of bipolar I disorder, but a separate diagnosis. While the manic episodes of bipolar I disorder can be severe and dangerous, individuals with bipolar II disorder can be depressed for longer periods, which can cause significant impairment.”

Additionally, bipolar disorder with mixed features (or a mixed episode) is a term used to describe either a manic state with depressive symptoms or a depressive state with manic symptoms. …


The pandemic isn’t the only thing holding me back from dating right now, and I wonder if I’ll ever consider myself worthy of somebody’s time.

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Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash

Most of the time, I don’t really mind being single. I haven’t even attempted to date in three years. However, I recently watched a new series with the absolute cutest couple I’ve ever seen, and it made me feel strikingly alone in a way I haven’t felt in a very long time. I just caught myself coming up with a long checklist of things I feel like I need to do before I can put myself out there, and I realized I’m being ridiculous.

I was a late bloomer when it comes to dating. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when I went on my first real “date.” I didn’t have my first kiss until college, and even then, I’m not sure that guy and I were actually dating so much as messing around and experimenting. …


I’ve only recently realized I’m pansexual, but the idea of showing pride or dating a woman here is scarier than I first considered

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Photo by Steve Johnson on Unsplash

I grew up in liberal Denver, in a very LGBTQ+-friendly family. Still, it wasn’t until after I moved to Texas 6 months ago that I finally realized that I’m bisexual. Well, pansexual, technically, although many people outside the community aren’t familiar with that term, so I find it simpler, if less accurate, to identify as bisexual.

Accepting that truth while I’m isolated during a pandemic is one thing. But I’ve only just started to think about what it would mean to date a woman down here, or even show pride with something as tiny as a rainbow pin.

From what I’ve seen in my local Facebook groups, just wearing a mask is reason for derision and ridicule. Confederate monuments are fiercely defended. And anti-Biden memes are already popping up with increasing frequency. …

About

Jennifer Nelson

I’m a freelance writer who just moved to Texas. Find me at WriterJenniferNelson.com.

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