Grief and Loss
The Sneaky Side of Grief
Grief is a sneaky little (insert your favorite expletive here).
A friend messaged me, and she was utterly distraught. She had experienced not one but two instances in a row with the same person where unexpected situations amplified her grief.
It all started when she received an emailed invitation from her cousin to a family birthday party addressed to her and her late fiance, who passed away less than two years ago.
She couldn’t believe it. Her cousin knew her fiance had passed away. Why would she put both names on the invitation?
I felt horrible for her. I’ve had those same moments occur myself. Every once in a while, even years after my husband passed, I would receive something in the mail addressed to him, and it would stop me in my tracks. But it was never intentional. It usually meant his name was still stuck on some mailing list.
Based on that experience, I suggested that my friend contact her cousin and ask if she could kindly remove his name from correspondence moving forward. After a good long cry, she did. Her cousin was mortified. She hadn’t reviewed the guest list (saved in her email invite platform from years before) closely enough before emailing the invitations and forgot to update their contact info to remove her late fiance’s name. It was an honest mistake. My friend felt a little bit better, having cleared the air.
But then they continued to correspond via text and boom! The ugly grief monster reared its ugly head again when her cousin mentioned that she knew someone she’d like to set my friend up with. But she’s not ready to be in a relationship, and this really upset her.
Once again, I felt horrible for her that someone prompted unwanted pain so unexpectedly. But I also see both sides of the situation. This offer was not intended to be hurtful. It came from a place of love and care for my friend’s well-being. People who have never experienced a similar loss have difficulty understanding what it takes to move forward each day without the person we lost. But they also feel the need to help and feel like finding another partner for us will be helpful when it only reminds us more of the void we are feeling.
It doesn’t make it right or wrong. But no one can determine or decide for you when or if you are ready to be in a relationship again. That decision is yours and yours alone. It’s all about how you feel and what you are comfortable with. Yet again, it was a good reminder to set boundaries with those around you and tell them you’ll let them know if you’re ready to look for another partner.
Grief is sneaky. It can spring up from nowhere, jarring and striking us without notice. But the source of it doesn’t always come from a place meant to cause further pain. Sometimes, it is unintentional and comes from a place of love. If you experience these moments, I wish you much comfort and peace so that you may move through them and help others understand how to help you navigate them.
Jennifer’s first book, “An Unwanted Journey: Embracing Life After Loss,” is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Kobo.
This article represents the personal opinions and viewpoints of the author. It is not to be used as a replacement for medical, financial, legal, or any other type of professional advice. It is crucial for individuals seeking professional guidance or information to consult with qualified professionals or specialists for accurate and tailored recommendations related to their specific needs and concerns.
#GriefUnveiled #SilentGriefJourney #UnseenGriefProcess #ConcealedGriefExperience #CovertGriefHealing #SecretGriefStruggles #AnUnwantedJourney #EmbracingLifeAfterLoss #JenniferNilsenAuthor
