It was a long time ago and even though the experiences will always be a part of me, they don’t haunt me. I’ve always been extremely resilient by nature. I never really thought it was my fault or that I somehow brought the abuse on myself and you shouldn’t either if it happened to you. What I worried about was ; did I allow an abuser to continue to harm others? All I know is,at the time, I could only save myself. If I’d been older or had more support, maybe it would have been different. I had to make sure I was safe, that it wouldn’t happen again, even though this man continued to be welcome in our home. I almost felt guilty calling him a pediophile because after I confronted him he never touched me again, but he he earned the title. My first kiss was from a senior citizen forcing his tongue down my throat while he groped me and I was in elementary school.
Everyone copes differently. I wish I would’ve told someone other than my grandmother. It was too big of a secret to keep. You should tell someone you can trust, hopefully someone wise and level headed that will be there for you. Most of all don’t feel that any of it is your fault and keep yourself safe so that it doesn’t happen again. I hope this answers your question or helps in some small way. I’ll be thinking of you, Emmeline, and wishing you peace and happier days to come.