While I am sure this is written for your own recovery, it deserves a response.
Thank you for sharing your deeply personal experience with the internet. This is what the internet used to be like…. If more people were willing to be so transparent with themselves in a non-aggressive, non-judgemental way perhaps this world could be a better place because we’d learn from each other’s experiences, and just maybe, collectively grow.
I wish you the best of luck in your recovery and growth!