How Does This Feel
I am sitting in a locked witness room waiting for the bailiff to call me to testify against him. I am shaking on the inside and my brain is screaming at me to run. To run as fast as I can and as far away as I can. I am absolutely petrified. Even so, there is a tiny voice somewhere in all the noise that is telling me to be calm. “Calm down. Deep breaths. You can do this.” this voice says over and over again. I can barely hear it. It is overshadowed by his voice. “You stupid bitch. You really think anyone is going to believe a whore like you? Why did you even bother? You know they’re going to laugh you right out of the courtroom.” I am struggling to block out his ranting voice and concentrate on the small, steady voice I can barely hear.
There are so many things going through my mind as I wait. “What if they…….” “Are they going to look at me differently? With pity or those big sad eyes? God I hate that!” “What the fuck was I thinking? I should have left it alone.” “Stop it! You have every right to be here! You can do this.” My brain is an endless tunnel of chatter that will nod stop.
The bailiff has arrived. It’s my turn. Oh…..shit it’s my turn.