I am not even sure I can find the words this very early Tuesday morning. Today is the day. I am so scared. It is 7:04 am, CST, here in Abilene,Texas and I awoke after 3 1/2 hours sleep, shaking. I am terrified. I haven’t written much on Medium in about a week and I have been asking myself why? Why when all I have seen from others there is love, encouragement, and support? Well, I finally found an answer this morning.
I am scared of disappointing you’ll and myself. I am scared I will lose my voice on the stand that I have fought so hard to find here. I am scared of letting down any women who may or may not cross his path in the future. I am scared of letting down……myself.
For so long I have rolled over and let him, his father, his family……win. That stops today. Today is the day that I speak up and speak out not only for myself, but for Samantha, one who was not so lucky to survive to her testimony. Today the monster will be put down, hopefully for good. Even if not for good, maybe, just maybe, he will see the horrible things he has done to women in his life. (and I am sure he’ll is scheduled to freeze over this afternoon too!!)
Regardless of the outcome of today, I know that one day, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, I can sleep peacefully knowing that I did my part to stop a man who brutalized me. I spoke up and said, “Yes, this is what he did. This is what he said. These are the emotional and physical scars as a result.” I don’t think that harder words will ever come out of my mouth, but, come out they will.
I want to say thank you to the tremendous amount of love and support I have received from everyone here. I would NOT have made it to this day otherwise!
Meg Barclay , Fierce Force 💃🏼 , TeriJo , Alexainie , Heath Houston , Elliot Nichols , marika bianca , H. Nemesis Nyx , Wild Flower , Sherry Kappel , Violet Oh Violet , Jess Schwendinger , Jessica Kaisk , Tasneem Kagalwalla , SF Ali , Tamyka Bell , Anna Now, Tre L. Loadholt and countless others. Along thank you to elizabeth tobey , Ev Williams , Medium Writers , Medium Staff , and Medium .
To all the survivors and survivors-to-be,
Don’t give up. Don’t give in. Never give up! If you can, think back in your mind to the best moment of your life. The moment when happiness, joy, love, peace, serenity, and freedom coursed through your soul. If that moment hasn’t happened for you, imagine what that would feel like. Imagine what that would feel like and hold on. Hold on to fight. Hold on to survive!!
Your Sister in Survivorship,
Jenn
#speakyourtruth
#womenmentoringwomen
