The Skeptic’s Whole30: Day 6
Saturday, Feb. 24, 2018
This post is part of a series. For the previous post, click here. For the whole series, click here.
Every day I get one step closer to saying “fuck this whole thing, this is bullshit.” Yeah, I realize this is only day 6 and this means I am Weak (maybe) or something. Which then implies that the main reason I stick with it is to prove that I’m not Weak, which isn’t a very good reason to do something…but there are better reasons to stick with it. Like, to lose weight. And to maybe reach that mythical future point when I’ve officially gotten over the hump of feeling bad about not being able to eat food in the way I’m used to. Supposedly that happens, if you stay on the Whole30 for more than a week. Let’s see how the coming week goes.
For breakfast I had planned to make Twice-Baked Breakfast Sweet Potatoes, a recipe I had found online, which involves baked sweet potatoes, bacon, onions, garlic, and eggs on top. I found that I reallllly did not want to eat baked eggs with runny yolks, or any eggs at all, really. So I decided to make the recipe without the eggs.
So I baked the sweet potato for 45 minutes like the recipe said, endangering Big Kid’s ability to be on time for Tae Kwon Do, and what do you know, IT WAS STILL HARD ON THE INSIDE. I had even pierced it on the outside several times before baking it like the instructions said. I really didn’t have the time or the patience to bake it further or whatever I would have had to do to remedy the situation, so I just decided to throw it into the skillet with the bacon and onion and garlic and smush it up while it cooked in the skillet with those things.
The good news: It was delicious. The bad news: I had to wolf it down in 7 minutes flat so as not to make Big Kid late, and we were still a couple minutes late.
I could make this again, and this time I’ll microwave the sweet potato. It works better, and faster, to make it soft on the inside.
When I was out with Big Kid, taking him to TKD and then his swimming lesson, I was again bothered by the fact that there was food all around me and I wasn’t allowed to eat any of it. The Whole30 instructions remind you that “you don’t have to eat anything you don’t want to eat” and the presence of friends, etc. eating stuff that’s not allowed shouldn’t deter you from sticking to the plan. And yes, I realize that I have full control over what goes into my mouth, but SOMETIMES I WANT TO SAY YES.
It doesn’t even have to be particularly unhealthy food. I just have to feel like the option is open to me.
Lunch was the leftover egg drop soup from last night, and even though it was yummy and filling, I was less than enthused about having a lunch of clear broth with entirely noncrunchy, nonchewy things.
In the afternoon, I was again in danger of falling off the wagon, or shall I say jumping off the wagon. What saved me? CASHEWS. I have heard, vaguely, that you’re not supposed to snack between meals on the Whole30, but wasn’t sure if that was a hard-and-fast rule or just a general guideline, and I was dying for something yummy to eat in the middle of the afternoon.
So I grabbed some cashews that were already in my cupboard. They were Planters brand, which is Big Food and not some esoteric brand from the health food store, so I double checked the ingredients to make sure they were okay, and they were cooked in peanut oil, which I guess is not okay, but they had no added sugar, and the only additional ingredients were the nuts themselves and some salt. Close enough. A few handfuls were deeply satisfying, both emotionally and physically.
A word about wanting food to be emotionally satisfying: I’m not convinced that it’s automatically unhealthy to give in to that urge. It’s largely touted as a blanket no-no, as if the goal were to turn ourselves into automatons who use food to satisfy PHYSICAL HUNGER AND THAT’S IT, but food is an important part of being human, and I feel you have to look at it in a more holistic way. We already know that there’s a toxic trope in our culture that you have to try to be as thin as possible at all times and at all costs, and this mandate is too closely linked to that for me to be entirely comfortable accepting that.
The widespread acceptance of shaming people for giving into “mouth hunger” and not just “stomach hunger” reminds me of a host of other syndromes that are Definitely Not OK: Telling people it’s not okay to ever show emotions, disdaining people who cry, failing to take mental health as seriously as physical health, and being one of those take-no-prisoners personal trainers who use clichés as weapons and scream “NO EXCUSES” right in your ear. I started to wonder if Melissa Hartwig, creator of the Whole30, was one of those people. Her deep tan and preternaturally white teeth, as depicted on the back cover of my cookbook, seemed like evidence in favor of that, but her happy smile and hair that wasn’t blonde detracted from that impression.
By 4pm I was exhausted from the day’s events and still had not gone to the supermarket or washed my hair, which are my main two every-Saturday chores. And I was supposed to make Grass-Fed Skillet Burgers and Fries for myself and the kids for dinner. And I still didn’t have the celery root that I was supposed to make the fries out of. So I rushed down to the little local grocery store and bought the celery root, some burger buns for the kids, and a carton of orange juice because we had run out (not on my account). When I got back I immediately started cooking. After we had eaten it was already time to get the boys ready for bed. I was not gonna be able to wash my hair or get to the store today.
But I made the burgers and fries. The fries tasted good, but were a little less crispy than ideal. The kids didn’t really like them. But Big Kid ate 2 of the burgers. And Little Kid ate some of everything, including a whole bun. And the homemade ketchup was really good. I don’t even like regular Heinz ketchup, but this was different.
After dinner I was too tired to clean up the dishes and just wanted to loaf on the couch and watch TV with my husband after the kids were asleep. While watching TV I had some more cashews. While reaching into the cashew container, I had the following thought, for the first time: Maybe after a while this won’t feel so hard.
Maybe I should at least just see if that happens. I might be able to do it if I can do it kicking and screaming, which is what this journal is for.
Tomorrow: How the Whole30 is like the first month at home with a new baby.
