Fears

Awhile ago I looked into Benjamin Foley’s 21 day mindfulness challenge. I believe I started this with about 2 weeks left in the school year, and I just never finished it because…I’m lazy. Not much else.

Today’s topic (Day 11) is about fear. As a worrier, I fear a lot of things. My biggest fear right now is that I won’t get into graduate school this time…again. So he gave us a whole action list on dealing with it, I’m going to go through it.

What causes me the most fear? Not getting into grad school again. It says to pick a pursuit, so I guess failing the pursuit of grad school is terrifying to me. I’d rate it at a 10, honestly. I love what I do and I want to learn more about it. The craziest thing is that I’ve been so stressed about it, I even dreamt last night that I was complaining to someone about the low acceptance rates (and because it was a dream, they were listening very intently haha).

Worst-case scenarios that could happen:

  1. I have an even lower chance of going for grad school again the next year because my programs are being closed down slowly.
  2. My parents would think I’m a failure and they could say, “I told you so”.
  3. I won’t be able to work at the college/pro level I want to be at.
  4. I wouldn’t get to learn more and become better at my job.
  5. IT WOULD JUST FEEL REALLY SUCKY

How to mitigate these, to keep my fears from happening:

  1. Do everything I can to get into grad school: extra credentials, extra experience, etc.
  2. Work on my writing skills: Thankfully, through this blog, I’d like to think I’ve gotten better. Being more clear/concise is one of the most important things in the professional world, and I really need to improve that.
  3. Do my best.

What happens if it happens:

  1. Remember that there are other ways to get a Masters degree: if you work for a company, sometimes they may pay for you to get your Masters (I know this is a thing in Pittsburgh). Or, I can get it online while working at another job, and I actually think that would be okay.
  2. I always find my way back and figure out something, I don’t give up very easily, such as when I got this particular internship. I applied to a lot of places, and one even offered me a position! One offered to give me an interview once I had accepted this soccer internship, and another actually called my references to ask about me. So it’s not hopeless, people wanted me!

Working through this has already helped me feel a little better, and I’m going to have to remind myself of these things everyday.

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