Freshers

When it comes to moving schools and re-creating your whole self, there is one thing that sets the tone for what’s to come — Freshers week. Now, I’m not gonna lie when I first arrived at Hurtwood I was oblivious to the meaning of Freshers, in fact, that was the first time me hearing of such an event. No, I’m not a sad potato that spends my free time eating cereal in front of the telly, after all, there’s gotta be a first time for everything right? Anyways, I walked into this new world like an over-sized baby with no expectations for what was to come.

To begin with, each house had to perform a dance based on a theme the A2s had chosen. Little did we know Freshers was all about being as slutty as humanly possible without showing too much nip or ass cheeks(sorry no Miley Cyresing around…unfortionatly). My theme was Sweet & Sour: chicks in A1 danced on ‘Candy Man’ and la femmes in A2 did an extremely sexual montage of what I think might be classified as ‘Magic Mike’ meets ‘The Nutcracker’! The ending was my fave: housemaster hid behind a tapestry with his portrait on it while striding down centre stage…the theme music from ‘The Apprentice’ was playing simultaneously, and like demented animals, all my house members hailed and bowed before the almighty Adam!

All that ends and then the real fun begins. Cheap beer and watered down wine is served to us: some try to jug as many plastic cups as possible in the attempt of getting smashed…in school…in front of literally all the teachers…including the head and the deputy head. As you might imagine some shiz went down: a couple of guys were found shagging in the bushes by the deputy and even had the guts of telling him to ‘Fuck Off’ apparently. Others were hitting it on the dancefloor again under the watchful gaze of half-a-dozen teachers. The smell of sweaty bodies rubbing against each other was not a walk through Chanel N5, and by the end of it, everyone looked as if they had jumped out of the village fountain, leaving the dancefloor all stinky and ready for a good midnight sandwich.

We get back to the house, and a guy passes out in the Common Room. He is quickly brought back to his senses and taken into the kitchen for some nourishment. Of course, his reflexes are x100 slower than usual so he ends up throwing the cutlery drawer onto the floor, scattering all the silver everywhere. Sad times. Funny times.

Anyways, it’s past midnight, and my bed summons me. That was the end of my first ever Freshers, will I remember it? Yes, of course. Am I looking forward to next year’s one? Already planning the dance routine.

So long amigos,
Jenny x