Single Moms, Smash Your Triggers and Own Your Mental Health!
Navigating the emotional landscape as a single mom can be incredibly challenging. Juggling multiple responsibilities while managing your own emotional well-being is no small feat. One critical aspect of this journey is understanding and healing our emotional triggers. Triggers are deeply rooted in our past experiences and can have profound effects on our daily lives. For single moms, these triggers can often be magnified by the unique stresses and pressures of raising children alone. By recognizing and addressing these emotional triggers, single moms can take significant steps toward fostering a healthier, more balanced life for themselves and their families.
What is a Trigger?
A trigger, in both general and psychological terms, is something that sets off a memory or flashback, transporting a person back to the event of their original trauma. This can be an image, sound, smell, or even a specific situation. Psychologically, triggers are deeply rooted in the brain’s association of certain stimuli with traumatic experiences. They can cause significant emotional and physical reactions, ranging from anxiety and panic attacks to anger and depression.
The Responsibility to Heal Our Triggers
While it is essential to recognize our triggers and understand their impact on our lives, it is equally important for single moms to take responsibility for healing these emotional wounds. It is unrealistic to expect society to tiptoe around our sensitivities. With nearly 8 billion people in the world, it is inevitable that we will encounter situations that challenge our emotional resilience. Living with a victim mindset is not sustainable or healthy. Single mothers, in particular, face unique challenges and responsibilities that require emotional strength. We all have our own baggage, and it is our responsibility to unpack it, process it, and move forward.
The Long-term Effects of Not Healing Triggers
Unhealed triggers can have detrimental effects on our mental health and relationships. For single moms, the stress of parenting alone can exacerbate these issues. Unhealed triggers can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and depression, diminishing our overall well-being. In relationships, unhealed triggers can cause misunderstandings, conflicts, and emotional distance. Over time, this can erode trust and intimacy, making it difficult to maintain healthy connections with others. Additionally, constantly being on high alert can deplete our mental resilience, leaving us more vulnerable to future stressors.
Lisa’s Story: A Case of Unhealed Wounds
Let me share a story about a friend of mine, Lisa. Lisa, a single mom, had been in an abusive relationship for years, and the trauma she experienced left deep scars. Her ex-boyfriend used to hit her, and the emotional and physical pain was something she carried with her long after the relationship ended. One day at work, Lisa encountered a new colleague, Jacob, who, by mere coincidence, bore a striking resemblance to her abusive ex.
The sight of Jacob triggered a flood of painful memories for Lisa, making her feel anxious and unsafe. She went to Human Resources and complained about Jacob, insisting that he be fired because his presence was causing her significant distress. When HR refused to fire him, she requested that he be moved to a different part of the building. Again, HR did not comply, as Jacob had done nothing wrong and was simply going about his job.
Frustrated and feeling unsupported, Lisa began to act out. She became passive-aggressive, and at times, boldly aggressive towards Jacob, who was completely unaware of why he was being targeted. Lisa complained about him constantly, to anyone who would listen, fueling her own misery and perpetuating a toxic work environment.
Eventually, Lisa decided to quit her job, convinced that the company had treated her unfairly by not removing Jacob from her vicinity. She believed she was the victim of an unsympathetic workplace and held onto the belief that the company was in the wrong.
Meanwhile, Jacob was left feeling uncomfortable and bewildered, having done nothing to deserve the hostility directed at him. Lisa’s refusal to address her own wounds and her insistence on blaming others for her triggers not only affected her own mental health but also impacted those around her. This is a stark example of playing the victim role and failing to take responsibility for one’s emotional well-being. Lisa’s inability to deal with her triggers in a mature and constructive manner led to unnecessary conflict and ultimately, her own dissatisfaction. She has yet to heal from her past, continuing to live with the pain and resentment that comes with an unhealed wound.
What Psychologists Say About Triggers
Carl Jung, a pioneering figure in psychology, emphasized the importance of self-awareness and individuation, the process of integrating various aspects of oneself to become a whole individual. Jung believed that unexamined and unresolved issues from our past could manifest as triggers, disrupting our lives until we confront and integrate these aspects into our conscious awareness. He suggested that by acknowledging and working through our triggers, we can achieve greater self-understanding and emotional balance.
Other reputable psychologists echo this sentiment. For instance, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a leading expert on trauma, explains that traumatic experiences can become embedded in our bodies and minds, often lying dormant until something in our environment triggers a response. He emphasizes the importance of therapeutic techniques such as mindfulness, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), and somatic experiencing to help individuals process and heal their traumas.
Dr. Judith Herman, another prominent trauma researcher, highlights the significance of creating a safe space for individuals to explore and understand their triggers. She advocates for trauma-informed care that recognizes the widespread impact of trauma and supports individuals in their healing journey.
Example of a Personal Trigger
One of my personal triggers is receiving flowers or gifts from a partner as an apology. In a past toxic relationship, my ex-partner would use material things to show love or send flowers whenever he broke my trust or was caught in a lie. At the time, these gestures worked, momentarily masking the hurt and betrayal. However, now that I am no longer in that unhealthy relationship, these kinds of apologies trigger me. They remind me of manipulation and deceit rather than genuine remorse.
I’ve grown significantly by addressing this trigger. I openly communicate with my current partner about my past and the reasons behind my discomfort with such gestures. By reminding myself that he is not my ex and that our relationship is built on trust and honesty, I can better manage my reactions and continue to heal.
Moving Forward: Healing and Building Resilience
The world needs to stop being a bunch of pansies using their past experiences to be jerks or victims. Certain events that happened to us may not be our fault, but it is our responsibility to heal and build resilience. For single moms, this is particularly important as they navigate the challenges of raising children alone. By taking ownership of our emotional health, we can create a more compassionate and understanding world. It is not fair to ourselves or others to live in a state of constant reactivity, expecting society to cater to our unhealed wounds. Instead, we must do the inner work to heal and move forward, allowing us to live more freely and harmoniously.
In conclusion, while triggers are a natural part of our psychological landscape, it is crucial to take responsibility for healing them. By doing so, single moms can improve their mental health, strengthen their relationships, and build the resilience needed to navigate life’s challenges. So, get over yourselves, and take charge of your emotional well-being.
Resources for Healing Wounds and Triggers
Healing from past trauma and managing triggers is a journey that requires the right resources and support. Here are some valuable tools and services that can help you on your path to healing:
Professional Counseling and Therapy
Finding a Therapist
· Psychology Today: A comprehensive directory of therapists, psychiatrists, and support groups. You can search by location, specialty, and insurance accepted.
· TherapyDen: An inclusive directory that focuses on finding a therapist who matches your specific needs and values.
· GoodTherapy: Another directory that helps connect you with qualified mental health professionals in your area.
Types of Therapy
· Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): A widely-used approach that helps individuals understand and change thought patterns that contribute to their triggers.
· Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): A specialized therapy designed to help individuals process and heal from traumatic experiences.
· Somatic Experiencing: Focuses on releasing trauma stored in the body and improving physical and emotional health.
Recommended Books
1. “The Body Keeps the Score” by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk
This book provides an in-depth understanding of how trauma affects the body and mind and offers insights into various therapeutic approaches for healing.
2. “Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma” by Peter A. Levine
Peter Levine’s book explores the concept of trauma and provides practical advice on how to release trauma stored in the body.
3. “Healing the Shame That Binds You” by John Bradshaw
A valuable resource for understanding and overcoming the toxic effects of shame, which often underlies many triggers.
4. “The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity” by Dr. Nadine Burke Harris
This book discusses the impact of childhood trauma on long-term health and offers strategies for healing and resilience.
Support Groups
Online Support Groups
· 7 Cups: An online platform that offers free, anonymous support from trained listeners and licensed therapists.
· Reddit Communities: Subreddits like r/trauma, r/PTSD, and r/CPTSD provide a space for individuals to share their experiences and support each other.
Local Support Groups
· National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): Offers support groups for individuals dealing with mental health issues, including trauma.
· Meetup: Search for local support groups and meetups focused on trauma recovery and mental health.
Mindfulness and Meditation
Apps
· Headspace: Offers guided meditations and mindfulness exercises to help manage stress and anxiety.
· Calm: Provides resources for relaxation, sleep, and mindfulness, which can be beneficial for managing triggers.
Books
· “The Mindful Way through Depression” by Mark Williams, John Teasdale, Zindel Segal, and Jon Kabat-Zinn:
A practical guide to using mindfulness to combat depressive thoughts and triggers.
· “Radical Acceptance” by Tara Brach:
Explores how mindfulness and self-compassion can help heal emotional wounds and reduce the impact of triggers.
Holistic Approaches
Yoga and Movement
· Trauma-Sensitive Yoga: Classes and workshops designed to help individuals reconnect with their bodies in a safe and supportive environment.
· Qigong and Tai Chi: Gentle movement practices that promote relaxation and stress reduction.
Art and Creative Expression
· Art Therapy: Using creative processes to explore and express emotions related to trauma.
· Journaling: Writing about your experiences and feelings can be a powerful tool for processing and healing.
Helplines and Crisis Resources
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1–800–273–8255
Provides 24/7 support for individuals in crisis or emotional distress.
Crisis Text Line: Text “HELLO” to 741741
Offers free, 24/7 support through text messaging for those in crisis.
By utilizing these resources, you can take meaningful steps toward healing your wounds and managing your triggers. Remember, the journey to emotional well-being is personal and ongoing, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
I am a transformational life coach and the founder of Jen’s Life Coaching. As a published author, my book, “I Am Amazing: From Invisible to Invincible,” has touched many lives, and I have also shared my insights in two anthology books. My writing repertoire includes several eBooks and over 50 blogs, each aimed at empowering women to find their true potential.
I also empower and guide badass moms to recapture their independence and freedom without sacrificing their families, doing it all with class and sophistication. My mission is to show that with the right mindset, anything is possible, and life’s challenges can be overcome with grace and strength.
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