the consistency lie

People are lying to you.

That lie sounds something like this: If you’re trying to be consistent at something, make a schedule. Stick to it religiously through the power of self-discipline. And then you’ll succeed, no matter what!

This sounds great in theory.

It’s just that when the inevitable — called life — happens and you fall off the bandwagon, you feel like a lazy failure. All comfort the lie offers you is, that it’s your own fault — you weren’t disciplined enough. Right?

Wrong.

A perfect schedule looks great on paper. Unfortunately, that’s all where it will ever stay. When we define consistency as sticking to a strict schedule, we set ourselves up for failure.

But to understand why we go wrong in our thinking, we need to define what consistency means.

consistency =/= schedule

When we say we need to be “consistent” at something, it means we need to make a repeated effort over an extended period of time. This can mean making it a habit by deciding on a schedule. But it doesn’t have to — and it shouldn’t.

A schedule is an attempt at creating control in an uncontrollable world.

It depends on the idea that it’s possible to keep the same rhythm to life for a long time. In a predictable world, we’d be able to plan what we have to do on the second Thursday of May three years from now. But we can’t. Life has its ups and downs, no matter whether we want to admit so or not.

First, we all have responsibilities out in the real world — to ourselves and to others.

Most of the time, they show up unannounced and on a tight schedule. If my friend is sick and needs me to pick up medicine for her right now, I can’t direct her to the free slot in my calendar four days out.

Secondly, 50% of the world population has a monthly cycle. If you, like me, belong to them, that means your life goes through several phases in that period alone.

Deciding you’re going to do the same thing every Tuesday morning assumes you’ll have the same amount of energy available every Tuesday morning. If you’re going through hormonal changes, pain and fatigue, this idea is funny at best and cruel at worst. This point also applies if you have any form of chronic health issues.

Lastly, schedules are difficult.

After the initial excitement of making progress wears off, they quickly become tiresome. Even more often, they’re at odds with life. If my friend from overseas is in town for two days, I’m not declining dinner with her in favour of sitting at my laptop all evening.

None of these circumstances make it impossible to keep a schedule. There are certainly ways to stick to it against all odds. I just don’t think that’s anything to aspire to.

That’s because your ability to do so relies on self-discipline.

And discipline isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

discipline is an illusion

Like consistency, the issue isn’t so much the thing itself, but rather what we perceive it to mean.

By discipline we mean the ability to force ourselves to do things we don’t want to do. Working out when we’d rather stay in our warm bed, writing our novel when we’d rather be watching a show. This is a useful skill to have in a crisis. When all that’s left in your account is rent money, you want to be able to refrain from spending it on gambling.

But discipline isn’t a “one-size-fits-all” skill. Just like cops don’t walk around in bulletproof vests all day, we can’t rely on discipline to manage our daily lives.

That’s because discipline requires us to overcome resistance.

Fighting resistance is like rowing upstream. We spend the majority of our energy trying not to backslide. Yes, we might make some progress, but for the most part we’re staying still.

This kind of up-hill battle puts us at a disadvantage from the beginning. To keep going, we have to spend willpower. But willpower is more depletable than we’d like to think. No matter how much you exercise it, at the end of the day, we’re all human. Sooner or later, we’ll slip up.

And the more you force yourself to do something, the sooner that day will come.

That’s because something interesting happens in our minds when we force ourselves into things: Whatever it is we’re doing, we’ll begin to see as a chore. It doesn’t matter if it’s something we would normally enjoy. Subconsciously, we’ll associate it with drudgery.

This shouldn’t surprise you: No one likes being told what to do. Not even, or maybe especially not, from ourselves.

Discipline gets us through the tough seasons in life. It’s one of many tools in our toolbox. But just because you have a hammer, doesn’t mean that everything is a nail.

We need discipline to survive. But when we want to thrive, we need something else.

another way

Humans are very simple creatures. We have two major drivers for our behavior: We like to feel good. We don’t like to feel bad.

Remember how I said consistency is making a repeated effort over an extended period of time? This means that the easiest way to be consistent at something is to enjoy it.

Don’t worry: This isn’t me saying you should “only do what you love”. There are a lot of things we have to do on a daily basis we do not love. This doesn’t mean we’re doomed to torture ourselves with discipline.

While our nature might be simple, our minds are incredibly complex. And the single most powerful fact about them is that we have control over our perception of things.

Meaning that through the power of perception, we can decide what we enjoy and what we dislike.

You do it all the time. Just think about how you recount your average workday. Don’t you feel your coworkers grow more annoying, your boss more terrible, with each retelling?

It’s easy to focus on what we dislike because that’s what we’re wired to do. Evolution has wired our brains to prioritize information that points to potential threats. This negativity bias used to help us be alert to predators and environmental hazards. But now it’s ruining our lives.

But: If negativity is what we’re wired to notice, that means that it’s not our objective reality. Meaning, we can overcome our primitive instincts by deciding to focus on what we enjoy.

Yes, I’m telling you that it’s your choice whether you enjoy something or not.

This might be tough to swallow if you’re stuck doing difficult or even gross tasks. I’m not saying it’s easy to change your perception of things. What I am saying is that doing so is immensely empowering.

By taking control of your perception of things, you stop being dependent on outer circumstances. You become truly free because you decide how you want to respond to life, rather than react to it.

So how does this help us be consistent?

fun = consistency

We all have skills and passions that make us forget time.

Activities we can get lost in for minutes to hours. We don’t have to try to “be consistent” at them because they come naturally to us. They’re part of who we are.

This becomes obvious on a long vacation. My first week of time off is usually spent decompressing and resting. But after that period of rejuvenation, I’ll pick up the activities that matter to me: Writing, spending time with friends, creating art. I don’t have to decide to do them: When I’m not busy running around from task to task, I just do.

What does this mean for consistency?

It means that we want the activities we’re trying to be consistent at to become ingrained in our identity.

That way, we don’t have to create an artificial schedule we’re destined to break. Neither do we have to force ourselves into it, each time grinding away at our willpower. Instead, we utilize our mind’s power of perception.

The process itself is very simple. Implementing it is harder:

Every time you perform the activity you’re trying to be consistent at, you have to be completely present.

Not stuck in your head trying to figure out what to do.

Not remembering yesterday’s argument or worrying about tomorrow’s meeting.

Present, focused exactly on what you’re doing.

As you settle into presence, you should focus on what you’re enjoying about the activity.

For example: As I’m writing this, I realize how much I enjoy the piano soundtrack I’m listening. I enjoy the sensation of my fingertips on the smooth surface of my laptop. It’s the beginning of autumn and outside the window, I can see the foliage begin to darken. I recently discovered a black tea infused with caramel, and I enjoy the taste of it as I reread this paragraph. And so on and on…

Once you start doing this, you’ll discover that there are more things you enjoy than you realized.

Hold up, you might be saying, most of what you mentioned has nothing to do with what you’re doing. It’s all just about the environment.

That’s true. But it doesn’t matter.

What matters is that I’m programming my brain to associate the activity of writing with pleasant sensations and emotions.

Remember how I said all humans want is to feel good?

By focusing on how good I’m feeling about what I’m doing, I’m making sure that my brain looks forward to the activity. Just as one might trick a pet into taking its medication, I’m tricking myself into enjoying what I’m doing. But instead of feeding myself tasty treats, the thing I want to be consistent at is treat.

This isn’t a one-size-fits-all-solution. Nothing ever is. But it’s a very simple way of taking pressure off ourselves.

Instead of fighting our nature, we allow ourselves to be human. That is the key to true success.

“Consistency” shouldn’t be another excuse to beat yourself up for failing to live up to an unrealistic ideal. It should be a way of making sure that you’re making the time for what matters to you.

True consistency isn’t showing up perfectly every single time. It’s showing up again after you’ve failed to do so.

Love
Jenya x

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