I Move A Lot

A story of 5 years

Today I am sitting in Amarillo, Texas, the biggest home I’ve known. I am here for a couple of weeks to spend time with family, rest, and prepare for what steps I will inevitably take in the upcoming weeks.

As I plan and dream about my next adventure and revel in the chaos that my life is, I’m reflecting on the past 5 years. In those 5 years, I have tried and failed many times, no surprise to anyone here; I have also tried, and learned, and conquered a little bit and loved a lot.

2012: Amarillo, Texas

2013: Oklahoma City/ Youth America

2014: Edmond, Oklahoma

2015: Edmond, Oklahoma > Amarillo, Texas

2016: Amarillo, Texas > Edmond, Oklahoma

2017: Edmond, OK > Corpus Christi, TX > Minneapolis, Minnesota.

Im trying to remember the jerah I was in each of these seasons, my favorite things about her, and if I still carry those things in me today.

It makes me wonder: what am I trying to achieve in this madness? What am I hoping will rise from the fire? What am I believing for? What do I believe in? What did these five years teach me and what do I hope to convey to others?

I’m sinking my life savings in cross-country moves and it is just as scary and irresponsible as it is exciting and fun and maybe right. My husband and I are flying by the seat of our pants and People Have Opinions; How many of them, though, feared a lack of security and were controlled by that fear- never taking the big chances? How should we embrace the counsel of People so different from us?

These years each posed friendships and hardships and growth. Today I am remembering each hit I took and each one I gave.

2012: I faced depression and chopped my hair off after dying it purple. It was then that I learned that you usually will outgrow your mistakes.

2013: I took part in an internship and worked so hard that I forgot about my home and created a new one for myself. I made one of the best friends I’ve ever had by this Scary Thing.

2014: I learned what it takes to have an identity. I let my hair grow and I made the right choices even when it put a cross state wedge between my family and I.

2015: I prayed so hard for friends that when I made them, I thought I would never doubt the goodness of God and how abundantly he meets our desires.

2016: I was depressed and didn’t cut my hair. I broke a promise in the kindest way I could figure. I broke hearts but mine grew three sizes. I met people and saw places and learned that there is a lot of good in the world if you explore enough to find it.

2017: I out grew my mistakes long enough to learn that it’s important to make them. We moved to Corpus, close to my dad for the first time since 2010, in hopes of making a home and loving the ocean; We learned hopes do not pay your bills but that love can make you fearless in pursuit of adventure.

Four months to the day after moving to south Texas, I am packing up my car and puppies and bed sheets and moving again. In two weeks, I will move 2o hours from my home and every single friend I have to start a new job and have more snow than sea.

Shit is crazy right now.

I am writing to remember my favorite things about each home and jerah I have met and hope that you, too, hold on tightly to the vulnerability it requires to embrace the ending of each season.

The weather is hard to beat in Amarillo. I love the friends and support I have there. My favorite memories are between Randall and Potter county: in 2011 I started a grass fire with fireworks- bliss turned into adrenaline as four of us sprinted to stomp out the flames. Or Memorial Day 2016, it was full of cliff jumping, Justin Timberlake, and grapefruit alcohol spritzers.

I have had so many friends and lessons and jerahs in Oklahoma. I have a special awe and reverence for storm season and miss Qdoba. I will never be able thank all the people who prevented my recklessness from causing long term consequences.

Corpus Christi: A retreat for my family. We meet there and are never closer; It is as close to paradise we can get this side of Mexico. If we can’t be on the beach in Cozumel, the Laguna Madre will warm our hearts enough.

Now, I’ve never been to Minneapolis but I’m shopping for coats online so I’ll let you know how it goes.