Benefit of doubt is nice, but after someone tells you “I don’t like those comments” there is no doubt, if you keep doing it, you do it knowing that the person doesn’t like it.
I think that you confuse “being extremely secure” as a requirement to have “inapropiate banter”…
Elisa Mariño

I totally agree. If someone has given you the benefit of the doubt, and told you, “I know you didn’t mean to hurt me, but that hurt me”, it’s important to remediate the situation. However, there are two ways of remediation:

  • Censor yourself in front of that person;
  • Help that person develop better coping mechanisms to reduce or eliminate the hurt.

My contention is that while self-censorship might be the most expedient way of dealing with the situation, it is an inferior solution — helping the person learn how to moderate their own reaction gives them the tools to deal with a much wider range of situations.

You could claim that there are some people who are so weak and unable to strengthen themselves that the morally responsible thing to do is to censor ourselves around them. But I’d like to give people the benefit of the doubt and believe that they are strong :)

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