By Huw Williams, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons

Sex on Campus: Dear Mom

One girl, explaining why her encounters freshman and sophomore year often ended with fellatio, said that usually by the time she got back to a guy’s room, she was starting to sober up and didn’t want to be there anymore, and giving the guy oral sex was an easy way to wrap things up and leave.
—“Sex On Campus: She Can Play That Game Too,” The New York Times

Dear Mom,

Guess what? I’m in the New York Times!

No, it’s not for my research paper on the devolution of journalism in the twenty-first century, although that’s going well. And it’s not related to my internship at the Institute for Women’s Studies, either. But it does have something to do with gender and, uh, time management techniques, and I think you’re going to be really excited to take a look.

You always told me I could do anything I set my mind to, and you were right.It just takes practice, patience, and a good technique — and before you know it, the New York Times is knocking on your door, wanting to feature you in a front-page story. Oh, I didn’t mention it’s on the front page? It sure is — there’s even a photo, although you can’t really see my face.

The article isn’t just about me — you’ll recognize a bunch of my friends, too. We’ve been working together on a whole bunch of projects — well, sometimes together, sometimes in the same room but separately, sometimes just consecutively, it really all depends on the situation. Just like you said before freshman year, college is a great place to find a set of peers all interested in the same things you are — especially when those things are worthy of being written up in the New York Times.

Mom, you taught me women can do anything — and we can, with or without a man, although, as the article explains, mostly with. But that doesn’t change the fact that we’re strong and empowered, and, even if we sometimes take on more than we can swallow, we eventually figure out how to get it down. That’s just part of growing up. And it’s all thanks to you.

I know I’ve been a little cagey about this subject recently, but I feel like this is as good a time as any to tell you about my boyfriend, since he’s in the New York Times, too. Yep, we are quite the power couple. Maybe I shouldn’t call him my boyfriend, since it’s not like we’re exclusive or anything. Though — as you’ll see in the article — we do like a lot of the same activities. You’re going to love him. (But if you ever meet his parents — and you won’t — don’t mention the article. I think he’s a little embarrassed about his accomplishments. Or maybe his parents raised him to be super-modest; indeed, he’s always saying he couldn’t have done any of this without me. Or at least not as quickly.)

I know you’re going to want to buy a bunch of copies, show me off to all of your friends, and maybe even start a scrapbook — I think I know the perfect way to stick the article to the page. Hopefully this is only the first of many major newspaper features I’ll be a part of. After all, you’re not paying my tuition just to have me frittering away my days. I’m making news here! (And, as you’ll see in the piece, often working well into the night.)

Just one thing: Please try to avoid reading the comments on the Web site. Jealous people can be so cruel. But I guess that’s just the price of success.

Love,
Your daughter, X.