Coffee Cups, Trash Cans, and Russell Westbrook

Yesterday, a trash can fucked up my day.

After completing a shopping extravaganza at Target, I was looking for a place to throw away my coffee. There was a little bit of coffee left in the cup, but it was cold, and I wasn’t about to finish a cold cup of coffee. I walked out of the store, searching for a trash can to dispose of my cup.

No trash can.

Not a single trash can near the entrance/exit, which seems like the most obvious place to have a trash can. People like throwing shit away when they enter/exit stores. Is Target new? Not only was there no trash when at the entrance/exit, but there was no trash can in the entire parking lot area. I don’t expect to have a personalized trash can next to ever parking spot (although, that is a pretty good idea. At least a trash can next to every cart station. Who can make this happen?) but I expect there to be a trash can when I leave the store.

Instead, I had to hold on to my coffee cup. This led to me spilling it as I put the groceries in my car because I was dumb and kept the cup in my hand instead of setting it down. Then, I got even dumber and set the cup on my car. One guess as to what happened next. If you guessed that a trash can magically appeared and the coffee cup jumped into the trash can, you’d be wrong. The cup blew over (it wasn’t even windy), spilling what was left in the cup onto my car.

You know what I did with that coffee cup? I picked that bitch up, and THREW IT ON THE GROUND! I AIN’T GONNA BE PART OF YOUR SYSTEM! MAAAAAAAAN!

Then, I picked it up and put it in my car so I could dispose of it when I got home.

With their lack of trash cans outside of their store, I can only assume that Target is pro-littering. Maybe they have a guy who goes around and picks up all the trash on the ground like that amazing park in Eagleton. If that’s the case, he should lose his job for not being quick enough to pick up my cup.

Here’s the good news: The Oklahoma City Thunder beat the Dallas Mavericks 92–91 despite being down by 13 with 3:30 remaining. My theory is that the coffee cup incident was the one bad thing that happened to me on the day. Instead of pouring on the bad, which is how things typically work, God (or whatever deity you worship) took pity on me. He (or she or whatever they identify as) said, “I will not have a trash can ruin your day. Here is Russell Westbrook.”

In conclusion: fuck Target for their lack of trash cans. Praise Westbrook.