Over the many past months I’ve encountered individuals who have lived up to the message that I took from christianity as a child. A message of love, grace and peace. I remember a time in my adolescence where I realized that much of those who were preaching these values in their ministry were living quite a different life on a daily basis. It really rubbed me the wrong way. As a kid I had always questioned my “faith” in God and the Heaven & Hell that was spoke of all throughout the Bible. Over time it became easier and easier to look towards science and logic for the origins of our existence. Early on it wasn’t about wisdom, or truth, or anything except for vengeance.

Atheist is a word that doesn’t define me any longer.

In my younger, much more rebellious days, I would gladly jump into a debate with anyone over the follies of conventional religion. The contradictory notions I found in the idea of “faith” were all ripe for the taking as far as I was concerned. I had quite the arsenal of Dawkinsesque rhetoric and theory to combat anyone trying to impress their beliefs on me. I was an absolute militant atheist. It got me nowhere — Why was I fighting so hard to shatter something another person believed so strongly? I wasn’t any better than your run-of-the-mill holy roller. For good reason, I was raised in the Pentecostal church for the first half of my life. 2/3 of my family was, and has been dedicated to the ministry in some form or another through many generations. My fathers side of the family even built a family church to worship in, that housed decade upon decades of congregations. The truth is “Hellfire and Brimstone” runs through my blood… I guess over time it just became less about the fear of God, or the rewards of Heaven, and became more about fighting against the hypocrisy I was witnessing first hand, from people who were supposed to be expressing love and grace. These people weren’t just any people, these people were some of my very own family members. I had a very hard time with that, even my own mother professing hate and anger in the name of God(Jesus). It was almost like she used God as her own personal weapon. This had never been what I had taken away from the teachings I had learned in my early life. These weren’t the songs I was singing on Sunday morning.

grace

ɡrās/

noun

The free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings.

That’s interesting. Grace is something that I had heard all of my life in church. I believed in it whole heartedly, but very seldom did I ever see it portrayed. When I first became an openly vocal atheist I felt a great sense of pride, as many atheists do. It’s sort of like when you’re a kid and you tell your younger siblings they “Should thank mom and dad for the gifts, because Santa ain’t real!”. You’re doing a good thing, you stand for something — You know, all those good things like truth and logic! What you don’t take into consideration is the fact that maybe nobody gives a shit that you’ve removed religion from your life. You have chose the path of the now, and living life fully and completely without the dogma that comes with faith. I actually thought all of the controversial debates I entered into with a proud Christian would result in them seeing it my way, and they would come to my side of the table. Out of the hundreds of debates and arguments I have engaged in, not once has that ever happened. I’ll tell you what did happen, I caused people that I truly did appreciate and admire to think less of me or even vice versa.

The reasons I walked away from God were exactly what I was doing as an atheist — Except for doing it because the Word of God said so, I was doing it on my own accord, independently and hatefully. It took me almost 15 years to realize I had been doing things very wrong. There is no progress in condescension. Arrogance will only get you so far — Once you’re standing there with only yourself to answer to, you begin to realize some things. In my case maybe it is that I just remembered some things. I felt for the longest time that my beliefs as an atheist defined me. I was wrong.

Light has a way of shining through some of the most unexpected places.

I’ve pushed away Christians in the past, not because of who they were or what they were about, but because of their beliefs. Recently I’ve found some of the people I admire most are people who are very strong in their faith. I’m not talking about the type of beliefs you see portrayed by the hooligans of Westboro. But real strong faith in truth, logic, love and grace. The type of person that doesn’t push what they believe on others or persecute other walks of life, these examples of human have been the type of person I am striving to be.

Recently my internet bud and fellow creative — Alex Medina commissioned me to create a design for 1–1–Six Limited a Reach Records clothing brand.

After I created the design I looked into what 1–1-Six was all about. I learned that it was a reference to Romans 1:16 —

“For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes.”

There was a time in my life where I would look at this and scoff. I didn’t though. Instead I thought “Damn, thats powerful for those who find strength in that.” — And I can relate. For as long as I can remember I have found strength in many of the things I read. Though I don’t put my faith in God, we should be happy for those that can find strength in that word. They should be unashamed as the 1–1-Six mantra proclaims. For so long I persecuted anyone who believed in God, regardless of the views they expressed. I had gotten so far from what made me give up my faith.

My girlfriend comes from a Jehovah’s Witness background and I think that has been one of the biggest realizations to me. Even though she has her own set of beliefs that aren’t directly inline with that of many JW, or even mine necessarily — She has been honest with herself and her parents with her own beliefs and what she wants out of life. They have been supportive towards her and I, even though they don’t agree with our individual paths. That to me is something I respect a great deal and another great example of how we need to act as we navigate through life.

If you can’t look between the lines of certain teachings from many paths, then you are doing yourself a great disservice.