My grip was tight so they wouldn’t leave;
But they wrestled free as I lie there waiting for the pain to go.
What was this?
What cannibal tethered itself to my soul waiting to surface, feeding on my belief that other’s approval would save me from me?
Why this betrayal?
In recklessness I searched for answers,
finding nothing but an accumulation of fears that mounted as I faded into something otherwise.
Burrowing into my fog,
Exempting myself from clarity, reason and truth,
I was now free to explore the darkness and the gauze-like mosaic of me, uninhibited.
As I came to a crawl, sleep was my temporary refuge, only to be stalked by the morning wake.
But my smile, my featured and phony lead that enabled the unraveling, was alive still, and that which guided me through the emptiness.
Today, I move with the light, fearing not this saboteur.
I navigate more confidently, knowing fully well the likelihood that I am much more than I tell myself;
Full of strength and the power to maintain an incandescent nature while, ironically, housing this parasite.
I need not purge myself of it;
Of these impurities;
I dare not curse the shameful acts of my past,
For they led me to this verse;
I am here only because of where I’ve gone;
It could not be otherwise.
But if I travel again into the fray tonight and return with scars and sores that turn your head,
I do so only to return to the light whose magnificence is greatest when shining upon darkness.
My grip is looser now. Go. Go.