“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Martin Luther King Jr.

On Nov 2 2016 at 1:17AM PST, I lost both my Dad’s to the same type of cancer almost 15 years apart. I will get to what that means to me, my drive and that dedication that was forged from the loss cancer took, in a future post. For this story is really about grieving, forgiving for the sake of moving on and the importance of family. My brother in law is a selfish, angry, sad and tortured person. Sometimes, I just want to take the next plane out to beat some respect into him. We got into it once my mother in law, sister in law and wife went back to Canada 3 days after his father died. He did some fucked up shit (again) and I just wanted him to see his family. The following is our discussion. During this, for whatever reason, I started to feel gratitude after he finally replied to my messenger through facebook. Then he proceeds to berate me. For some reason that MLK phrase came to my mind. Then my father in law entered as well. Whatever anger I feel as I wrote this is much less than the grieving I feel for losing his father. We both lost someone very close to us.

Here is an unedited version of that conversation:

• John- I hope this makes you feel better because it does not to anyone of your family members. Remember how I talked to you about how painful it was to lose my Dad and how you should find what ever it takes to find peace with him. For me, I lost both of my Dad’s to cancer. I will never have a fathers day with any older males in my family. Although only 12 years, it felt like a lifetime.
• you see our parents both raised a family together, several businesses and now have both lost their husbands
• I beg you to be there for your Mom. She and the your sisters need it the most. speaking from this unfortunate experience, I can tell you you and especially your mom will need to be together. Your actions since his death do not honor him, it goes against what he would want.
• Be alone…come on…no one can do this alone.
• Take account of your life.
• do it for your, mom
• your kids
• but more importantly for senior

• 11/7, 7:37am
• Gino Vato
• Don’t worry jerry I will be there for my mom like I alwAys am.
• My actions in wake of his death. Your fuckin kidding right.? How bout all you “family members” for the two years prior to his death and in the aftermath. If u think I lose sleep over any of this believe me I don’t. Believe when I tell u John Perri Jr. Is also dead. Now Only Vato resides in my head. I like me better this way. Feelings make u soft and gay.
• Every ones actions since my dads dying day. Have only reinforced my decision that two years ago I made. The decision to walk away. From an entire family filled with fakes.
• The one phrase to describe my thaught on this “IGNORANCE IS BLISS”. You all need to climb out of your bubbles and realize the big picture for two years that you missed. Me kids my mom and dad is all we had. When all you socalled blood relatives

• 11/7, 7:38am
• Gino Vato
• Turned out to be really sad.
• Been alone along time. No need to be back stabbed
• I take account of my life. Every god damn day. I suggest taking your head outa your wife’s ass and do the same

• 11/7, 7:46am
• Gino Vato
• For me to forgive is to forget. Forget I once had a family. I’m not sorry. My eyes are wide open jerry there’s nothing I can’t see. You are all a bunch of strangers always thinking u better then me. I am my fathers making just like him to a tea. I suggest you all back off. Lose my contacts like before. And let it be. No hard feelings you are all just dead to me. !!!!

• 11/7, 7:50am
• Gino Vato
• My mother and father want something that I’ve told them over and over again. One big family again never for me. My family lost what it actually means.

• 11/7, 7:59am
• Gino Vato

• 11/7, 9:20am
• Jerry Locke
• John this is not about you or me it is about senior and now your mom.
• Hope you feel better spewing out that shit.

• 11/7, 9:27am
• Jerry Locke
• I love you John. I will never give up hope on you but right now you should be with your mom. The other shit you feel can wait.

• 11/7, 9:35am
• Gino Vato
• Ya I should. But that entails listening to verbal diarrhea. Give up hope on me. You people are so fucked. I’ve given up hope on all you. Remember this I watched my dad live every day. You Inconsiderate fucks watched him fight and die. Don’t worry when you all go back to your minuscule existence I’ll have my moms back.

• you see our parents both raised a family together, several businesses and now have both lost their husbands
• I beg you to be there for your Mom. She and the your sisters need it the most. speaking from this unfortunate experience, I can tell you you and especially your mom will need to be together. Your actions since his death do not honor him, it goes against what he would want.
• Be alone…come on…no one can do this alone.
• Take account of your life.
• do it for your, mom
• your kids
• but more importantly for senior

• 11/7, 7:37am
• Gino Vato
• Don’t worry jerry I will be there for my mom like I alwAys am.
• My actions in wake of his death. Your fuckin kidding right.? How bout all you “family members” for the two years prior to his death and in the aftermath. If u think I lose sleep over any of this believe me I don’t. Believe when I tell u John Perri Jr. Is also dead. Now Only Vato resides in my head. I like me better this way. Feelings make u soft and gay.
• Every ones actions since my dads dying day. Have only reinforced my decision that two years ago I made. The decision to walk away. From an entire family filled with fakes.
• The one phrase to describe my thaught on this “IGNORANCE IS BLISS”. You all need to climb out of your bubbles and realize the big picture for two years that you missed. Me kids my mom and dad is all we had. When all you socalled blood relatives

• 11/7, 7:38am
• Gino Vato
• Turned out to be really sad.
• Been alone along time. No need to be back stabbed
• I take account of my life. Every god damn day. I suggest taking your head outa your wife’s ass and do the same

• 11/7, 7:46am
• Gino Vato
• For me to forgive is to forget. Forget I once had a family. I’m not sorry. My eyes are wide open jerry there’s nothing I can’t see. You are all a bunch of strangers always thinking u better then me. I am my fathers making just like him to a tea. I suggest you all back off. Lose my contacts like before. And let it be. No hard feelings you are all just dead to me. !!!!

• 11/7, 7:50am
• Gino Vato
• My mother and father want something that I’ve told them over and over again. One big family again never for me. My family lost what it actually means.

• 11/7, 7:59am
• Gino Vato

• 11/7, 9:20am
• Jerry Locke
• John this is not about you or me it is about senior and now your mom.
• Hope you feel better spewing out that shit.

• 11/7, 9:27am
• Jerry Locke
• I love you John. I will never give up hope on you but right now you should be with your mom. The other shit you feel can wait.

• 11/7, 9:35am
• Gino Vato
• Ya I should. But that entails listening to verbal diarrhea. Give up hope on me. You people are so fucked. I’ve given up hope on all you. Remember this I watched my dad live every day. You Inconsiderate fucks watched him fight and die. Don’t worry when you all go back to your minuscule existence I’ll have my moms back.

• 11/7, 9:45am
• Jerry Locke
• John I love you man. I know in my heart that your dad would want you to be there. Go to your mom. Stop messaging me. You can deal with whatever but your mom needs you.