We hear this a lot of times:
I might not have a high IQ like Brandon but at least I have higher EQ than him.
Now what does he truly mean? Many people think that EQ directly correlates to social skills. In a way, yes, it does have a big social factor but not in a way many people nowadays think.
People usually have this perception that a high EQ person will be very extroverted and a sociable person. We would think that an emotionally intelligent individual would be someone who is chatty, comfortable in social situations; compared to people with calm personalities who don’t talk much or are introverted. Well, it is not truly the case.
What is EQ?
Firstly, EQ — or emotional intelligence — is a dimension of one’s personality, it is the intangible part in humans, difficult to measure despite all the tests out there (don’t get me started with those annoying pop-psychology tests people often post on their Facebook). EQ is essentially a measure of one’s empathy level, their sensitivity to not just others’ emotion but also one’s own emotions. And is largely independent on IQ — which means that high IQ people need not have a lower EQ.
Extrovertedness vs. High Emotional Intelligence
Contrary to popular belief, many people will assume that an extroverted individual will have higher EQ than an introvert. But what most people miss out is this — they are mutually exclusive. That talkative social butterfly can form conversations with everyone, but no one likes talking to him. Because the words he says are at best narcissistic, at worst hurtful. He does not take into account what others feel when he is in his tongue-flapping trance of incessant chatting, he is just what he is — talkative.
Similarly, the man of a few words who doesn’t talk much might appear calm and collected, but in his mind houses a vast smorgasbord of emotions he can comprehend and experience. He knows how to react and what to say at the right situation because of his empathetic nature. He knows to be assertive instead of coming off as aggressive, nor is he seen as an easily-bullied passive shy person.
As I have said, extrovertedness (and introvertedness) is mutually exclusive from having a high EQ, so you can also have an introvert who does not give a shit about other people; and an extrovert who just loves to make friends with everyone they meet who’s just lovable. It is only that the latter personality that is more apparent as they are easier to spot, thus forming this deeply misunderstood concept that “Extroverted = High EQ”.
So is high EQ a good thing?
Generally, yes. But like everything in the world — it is a double-edged sword — everything has their advantages and shortcomings, and EQ is no exception.
Having a high emotional intelligence is good thing because you are seen as an understanding person, it is what you would call “a person of good character”. You are easy to talk to, sociable yet careful of your words, critical yet you don’t offend anyone. You are aware of your own emotions and can contain them, you know there is no such thing as perfection, and you don’t let other’s words hurt you.
However, you sometimes fail to take note of negative criticism and feedback because you ignore hateful words and don’t let them get to you. Your lack of that edginess also makes you unaware of potential threats. There are times when you don’t know whether to prioritize your own emotions or others’. So when met with something you don’t want or like to do, your assertiveness allows you to decline without coming off as rude, but internally you feel conflicted because you know the certain individual requires your help. Emotionally intelligent people forgive people easily, because they are aware that humans are imperfect and make mistakes. This could make them susceptible to use or taken advantage of.
There are very grey areas when it comes to things like character and personality, there is no black and white as to if these will actually pose problems to an emotionally intelligent person. And it is really hard to tell what “the highest EQ person” will actually behave because unlike IQ, emotions are volatile and subjected to changes easily, also they vary from person to person.
Are you an Emotionally Intelligent?
Time gave a good list of behaviors high EQ people generally exhibit.
Reminder: It should merely serve as a guide and taken with pinches of salt as they are contestable and open to interpretation. Asterisks* will be placed on the ones I think are more controversial.
Click here to see the full article. Otherwise, here is it in short.
Emotional Intelligent individuals:
- have a wide range of emotional vocabulary*
- are curious about people
- embrace change
- know their strengths and weaknesses
- are a good judge of character*
- are difficult to offend
- know how to say “No”*
- let go of their mistakes without forgetting them
- give and expect nothing in return*
- don’t hold grudges
- neutralize toxic people by confronting them rationally
- don’t seek perfection
- know when to take breaks when they need to
- stop negative self-talks*
- won’t let anyone limit your joy
And here is most of the things you need to know about EQ! Show that someone this article if that jerk keeps saying he has higher EQ than you just because you have higher IQ than him — he probably has pretty low EQ and IQ for claiming that. Thank you for reading! If you feel like you’ve learnt something through this article, give it a ❤!
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