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Dear odd older White woman with a terrible tumblr blog who a few years ago, just stumbled across my blog –

I don’t care if you like me.

I actually don’t care if you think I’m beautiful.

I don’t care if you think I’m strong, sexy and intelligent and I especially don’t care if you consider yourself someone that loves me. Your imaginary relationship with me has caused you to have me — what some African Americans might refer to as — fucked up.

What I find phenomenal but not surprising is that you have followed my personal blog for four years and that you still think that I’m the kind of African American that might be receptive to a message from a White woman who wants to educate an actual African American on African American issues.

What’s even more ironic is that this particular African American that you want to befriend and educate has had over 15 years of experience as a social worker and a mental health professional. I don’t talk about my degrees on my blog because fuck credentialism. My education and work experience as a fat Black femme student and professional was one plagued by fatphobia antiblackness and ableism and I don’t blame people for not going to college to be beaten up and belittled by people with good intentions just like you.

How unfortunate that noone actually slapped you but how beautiful that the African Americans you allegedly interacted with expressed interest in doing so. Honestly, the idea of you being slapped feels like a hug and as I envision it I can actually feel my mental health improving so, thank you — odd older White woman — for sharing that with me.

As you are thinking deeply about mental health and the African American community please think about the ways in which White people disregard the mental health of African Americans every day.

White people have historically made mental health treatment inaccessible and unaffordable for Black people. White supremacy has made our experiences with mental health professionals violently triggering. You’ve criminalized poverty and mental illness for Black people. You call the police on us and throw us in jail every chance you get. Just a few years ago in my own city of San Diego, California an unarmed Black man having a mental health crisis similar to your panic attack was murdered by the police.

Please think about the ways in which White people disregard the mental health of African Americans every day.

Your institutional racism has even made it difficult for Black people to get degrees and jobs so that our ability to get professional help from our own community is still limited. In fact, you’d rather teach more White people about cultural competency than actually find ways to hire and fairly pay people from other cultures.

Please…think about the ways in which White people disregard the mental health of African Americans every day.

When you finally hire Black mental health professionals we are punished behind the desk as well. I worked for one of the top mental health facilities in my city and I was told by my older White coworkers that it was my responsibility to take out the trash even though that was not in my job description and even though we had several janitors on staff. Imagine busting your ass for 7 years to get a degree and then applying for months for a job, finally getting a job as a mental health professional and then being told to take out the trash. When I spoke to my supervisor about it I was made aware that I was being bullied by senior staff (who were not written up) but I still took out the trash in an effort to stop being harassed by the people I worked with who intended well, just like you.

Please think about the ways in which White people disregard the mental health of African Americans every day.

I know you think your message is the most random message I’ve received but please — let me to unburden you of the idea that your compulsion to simultaneously pity and revere me is unique to you.

White people send me love letters wrapped in insults all the time. With good intentions your people praise me for being exceptional and inspirational and shit on my community every chance they get. You throw racist ideology around with little regard for my feelings and intelligence and you don’t care to check the facts, your privilege or your bias.

So no, odd older White woman, it’s not that I don’t like white people…I just don’t want to be your friend and I don’t want to be your friend because it jeopardizes my mental health.

Fuck you.

No justice, no peace.

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