Why Do We Lose Our Self-Belief ? And How Can We Get Our Self-Belief Back?
Have you ever had unwavering self-belief in your decisions or actions?
Probably. When we’re children, we come by this kind of confidence naturally. It makes us brave enough to think we can do anything. Unfortunately, as we grow older, we tend to lose self-belief. By adulthood, we might not even realize our actions are driving our self-belief down.
The sad thing is, we need it. Confidence is what makes us try new things and grow as individuals. It’s also what motivates, teaches, and helps us enjoy life. But more than this, unwavering self-belief is what we need whenever we make decisions or jump to the following action if we’re looking for success to be inevitable.
So, why do we lose our self-belief? And how can we get it back?
You’re Listening to Voices From the Past
Parents, teachers, and other people of authority are meant to be trusted. At the same time, they’re human and sometimes say or do the wrong thing. If we were given negative messages when we were young, it could be tough to get past those damaging labels as adults. It will bar you from having a self-belief you can trust.
The Fix?
Start recognizing errors in what was said and working through the trauma of what happened before. Realize people don’t always know everything and remind yourself these messages were wrong. Write affirmations or change your negative self-talk to a competing statement that builds up and doesn’t tear down.
You’re Listening to the Wrong Voices Today
Unfortunately, not every negative individual is safely relegated to the past. Sometimes, we’re shot down by friendly fire. Our well-meaning ‘friends’ can sometimes be discouraging or, worse, quick to point out your flaws or other perceived shortcomings.
The Fix?
Sorry, but you’ll have to realize people like this aren’t your friends, and they’re certainly not helping. Try losing the toxic people or your life, or at least limiting your exposure to them. Or, if you do want to salvage the friendship, grab some courage and try confronting them about how you feel when they talk like this. In worst-case scenarios, you should cultivate a new group of friends or find a mentor to support you.
You Don’t Feel Like You Deserve Success / Accolades
Sometimes, we do things right, and other people notice. The problem? All the praise doesn’t dent a self-belief that refuses to accept you do anything right. You might even accuse people of making mistakes for thinking you did anything right or become apologetic when you can’t accept the compliment.
The Fix?
Consider the possibility others might be right. If this is too difficult, start writing down compliments you receive and look for the patterns.
You’re Burned Out
There’s nothing worse than being caught in a morass of indecision. Sometimes, you feel like there’s no way you can make another decision, especially if you’ve been dealing with a crisis or many stressful situations. You don’t believe you have what it takes to keep going.
The Fix?
Give yourself a break. We all have a breaking point. This is especially true if you’re under unusual stress, which might be causing you to feel bad about yourself or like you can’t handle the situation. Sometimes, all you need is a distraction, like running or doing something fun for an hour. Sometimes, you need more time off to recharge. Remember, feeling good about yourself is impossible if you’re exhausted or run down. Pushing yourself further now is only going to make the problem worse. While taking time off, what you need now will help you to see clearer and feel better about yourself later on.
You’re Certain You’re Going to Fail
When caught in a negative spiral, it’s impossible to see a positive outcome, especially if you no longer trust your decision-making ability.
The Fix?
You can’t let fear rule over you. Remind yourself of two crucial facts: 1. Failure is okay. You can learn the best lessons from the disaster, giving you new information to build success. 2. You might succeed after all. Why not try and see what happens?
You’ve Already Failed
Trying again after a mishap can be difficult. Your first instinct might be to give up entirely, especially if your worries about failure have been validated.
The Fix?
Try not to get too caught up in negative emotions. You’re being faced with an opportunity to learn. More importantly, stopping now will only layer in new feelings of failure. This is where you need to keep moving forward more than ever. Take the time to learn something from experience, then immediately push to do the next best thing. Even if the steps are small, maintaining momentum tells yourself your actions still have value, meaning you can trust yourself to succeed despite setbacks.
You Feel Bad Because Other People Do Better / Have More
Comparing yourself to others will always bring you up short. Feeling good about your actions or decisions is hard when you see people doing incredible things around you.
The Fix?
Try looking at your accomplishments for validation. You’ve already done some amazing things and made some great decisions. If you need help remembering these, why not keep a journal where you record the good stuff to revisit your successes whenever you need to?
You Lack Confidence in What You’re Doing
Sometimes, you’re not worried as much about yourself as about the problem before you. When you need help understanding what you’re looking at or have any ideas for possible solutions, it’s easy to feel stupid and stall out in the decision-making process.
The Fix?
This fix is a lot simpler than you think. It’s simply a matter of research and learning what you need to know to make an informed decision. The nice thing? With knowledge comes confidence, which translates into the unwavering self-belief you need to make solid decisions.
You’re Letting Other People Make the Decisions
When you’re not confident you can make good choices, it sometimes becomes more straightforward to let someone else figure out the next course of action. While it never hurts to take turns with your friends when figuring out your weekend plans, this can become harmful if you’re constantly yielding control despite disagreeing personally with your choices, especially if you’re staying silent about your preferences.
The Fix?
Start taking back control by making small choices on your own. As you become used to the decision-making process and see some positive outcomes from these decisions, you can start pushing to make bigger and more complex decisions. Over time, you will become confident to tackle any decision without needing someone else to take over.
You’re Worried What Others Will Think
When your self-belief is low, you’ll find yourself hungry for validation from those around you. This comes from a deep-set need to feel like you have value. The problem? You don’t see any value in yourself, so even if you get this validation, you won’t believe it. So, no matter how much you turn yourself inside out trying to make decisions that you think others will support, you will still fail. Worse, you might find yourself compromising your values to earn this praise.
The Fix?
A few things are going on here. First, worrying about what others think is a waste of time. Most people don’t notice what you’re doing or care about what you accomplish. Next, trying to get validation will get you nowhere if you don’t have unwavering self-belief in the first place. It would be best if you spent more time validating yourself than worrying about what others think. Third, without a keen sense of what you believe in and respect for your opinion, you will let people walk all over your values. This isn’t healthy. Instead, you will want to reaffirm these beliefs to build the confidence to stand up for them.
You’re Too Depressed to Deal with Decisions or Actions
When you don’t feel good about who you are, eventually, this will take a toll on your mental health. You start to feel like it’s pointless to make decisions or do anything because you will only fail anyway. You begin to stall out and stay home. You’re avoiding people you used to like and have little interest in life around you. Decisions and actions feel like it’s all beyond your capabilities.
The Fix?
Depression is a serious matter and needs to be addressed. Suppose you’re having this much difficulty finding your way back to an unwavering belief in your decisions and actions. In that case, it might be time to talk to a professional. Reach out to a health professional or someone you trust. A trained counselor will help you to find your way back to positive self-belief.
Conclusion
Of course, there are many other reasons why we struggle with our self-belief, but this list should give you an idea of what to do if you are. As you’ll have likely noticed, much of the advice is the same:
- Give Yourself a Break
- Remember, You have value
- Keep Going
The main thing is to be mindful of your challenges and then do the next logical thing to offset those challenges. Most of this is acting intentionally to change your outlook for the better.
The good news? Ultimately, it won’t matter how much of your self-belief you lost. With some hard work, you can regain your unwavering belief in yourself and lead to inevitable success.
Disclosure: This Post May Contain Affiliate Links
