MARRIAGE: superstitions and traditions in the Philippines
The Philippine culture has very strict dating traditions. Both men and women need to follow traditional steps in which the man is the pursuer. Women should not show her interest and they should play hard to get as part of their tradition. This is a way for the man to show his interest in her.
The parent’s approval is required in order for the man to be able to visit their daughter. After approval, the man visits the woman in the presence of the parents and they are to start talking with the man who is pursuing their daughter. This is very different from the way that things are done in the Western world. If a woman tries to invite a man over to his home when they are just starting to date, this can be seen as a desperate act and it rarely works. In the Philippines, this is a very important part of the old tradition.
As the Philippines has become more westernized, these traditions have also slowly vanished.
Marriage
Wedding traditions have been strongly influenced by the Catholic faith going back to the colonization by the Spanish. For 333 years the Spanish instituted law and order and the Catholic institution. It’s no surprise that 400 some years later those traditions and beliefs are still carried on today. Today the Philippines seems to follow the fads of the United States and the Western way of life, some of the marriage traditions are slowly evaporating over time and becoming a little more mainstream as time passes and they work themselves into the global stage.
Filipino marriage still remains largely a very committed and serious commitment. It’s one of the reasons foreign men tend to be attracted to Filipina woman, not to mention their natural beauty and sweet charming personalities as well. By law, and by the church, divorce is not an option in the Philippines. Filipina woman mostly, and I use the word mostly as there are some exceptions to the rule, that are extremely loving and faithful to their husband and family. Filipinas make wonderful wives and mothers by most standards today.
Traditionally, if a couple decides to get married, there are many important traditions that they should follow without skipping out on any of the details. The process of the wedding is an effort that is made by the community and everyone gets involved to help those who are getting married. The ceremony is held at the bride’s home and the community is the one in charge of providing the financial help to get the food and the required decorations for the wedding reception traditionally.
Traditions
Despite infusing a touch of modernity and Western influences to their traditions, most Filipinos still adhere to their old and superstitious customs, when it comes to weddings. Every Filipino couple knows that these superstitious practices are just folk beliefs, and have no logical and scientific definitions. Yet, they practice them, and hope that these practices can help them create a happy fruitful marriage. Besides, there is no harm in trying, as most Filipino couples would say.
1. Pamanhikan
In the Philippines, a wedding not only unites the couple, but it also merges the families of the parties involved. Prior to the wedding, the fiancé together with their elder relatives and parents have to pay a visit to other partner’s family, to arrange the wedding. Basically, this introduces them as well as their family to their partner’s siblings and parents. Furthermore, it lightens the atmosphere and wedding preparations between the two families. For most Filipinos, this tradition is called “pamanhikan”.
On this occasion, the blueprint of the wedding is made known or drawn by the visiting family. For most Filipinos, this occasion can be very nerve-racking, especially if it is their first time meeting the other family. For the most part, the visiting fiance and their family would offer gifts and traditional Filipino dishes to the partner’s family.
2. Service to the girl’s family
The fiancé must show their worth to the partner’s (by tradition girl’s) family through paninilbihan, an ancient tradition where the partner attends to several daunting and challenging chores for the other partner and their family. While modern Filipinos believe this tradition is long forgotten, there are still some (especially the ones who live in rural provinces) who practice paninilbihan.
In this tradition, the man (as said in tradition, but partner applies) has to perform a variety of chores in the other partner’s household, from laundry and cooking to buying grocery supplies. To get the approval of the partner’s family, the tasked partner has to do everything extraordinarily well. What’s more, they must be able to show they are responsible and reliable.
3. Wedding expenses
In most cases, the groom (usually, or partner) assumes all the expenses in the wedding, including ceremony, decorations, catering or food preparation, rings, clothes and others. However, today’s Filipina (women, but not only) prefers to share the expenses.
4. On the eve of the actual wedding
During the eve of the wedding, the soon-to-be bride (partner) is forbidden from seeing their fiancé. Likewise, they are not allowed to try out their wedding gown or dress (if there is one). According to the older Filipinos, failure to follow these practices could bring bad luck to the marriage. Furthermore, they believe that failure to abide to these traditions could prevent the wedding from happening.
5. Arrangement of church arrival
To avoid bad luck, every Filipino groom (one of the partners) is required to arrive at the church or wedding venue before their other partner.
6. Wedding gifts
In a Filipino wedding, the sponsors and guests are advised not to offer gifts that include knives and other sharp pointed objects. For most Filipinos, they believe gifts that involve sharp objects can cause problems to the married couple. As a matter of fact, some of them believe that these gifts can lead to a fruitless or broken marriage. A chamberpot (arinola in their native tongue), on the contrary, is an ideal wedding gift, as it believed to be a lucky charm to newlyweds.
7. Wedding receptions
A wedding reception in the Philippines is a colorful and blissful occasion that involves more than a hundred guests. From the couple’s childhood friends to their relatives, nearly everyone the wedded couple knows is invited in their wedding reception. What’s more, the wedding reception is usually packed with fun-filled activities and delicious Filipino dishes, such as Lechon, pancit, and a whole lot more.
Superstitions
One of the many unique and endearing traits of Filipinos is that we are really big on believing superstitions and luck. You gotta admit that growing up, you’ve heard various sayings that apply to mundane activities like how you shouldn’t cut your nails at night. Weddings are no exception to this! Whether you actually believe in old wives’ tales or not, there’s no harm in abiding by them! Here are just some of the wedding-related superstitions our folks believe in. Some may also be beliefs of other cultures, but there are also some in this list that are unique to us. Count how many you know!
1. The bride is not allowed to wear pearls on her wedding day as it represents tears. Where did that come from, you ask? Pearls are actually known as “tears of oysters”.
2. Same goes if you have a pear-shaped engagement ring–it will mean that you’ll have a bout of sadness for the rest of your life, since a pear-shaped ring also resembles the shape of a tear drop.
3. Nobody is allowed to pull out the ring of the bride except the bride herself. Whoever pulls it out is supposedly going to have a fight with the bride!
4. You’re not allowed to have styled prenup photos with your boyfriend before actually getting engaged–apparently, it’s like jinxing it!
5. The gown has a lot! First, you’re not allowed to take pictures of you trying on your wedding gown. You’re not even allowed to wear the final gown during your fitting. And the most popular one is your groom can’t see you wearing your gown before the day of the wedding–some even go as far as until the actual ceremony.
6. No one in your family can get married in the same year, especially two siblings, as it will bring bad luck. It’s commonly known as sukob. Or, when someone in your family dies, you can’t get married that year.
7. The bride has to be careful when traveling before her wedding as she is now believed to be more accident prone.
The people who choose not to get married are often seen as outcasts and this pressure is meant to keep people on track with the traditional customs that allow for a stronger society. This conventional way of seeing marriage is extremely useful in most social environments and the married couple with children should be the backbone of that social structure.
Marriage is still a very big deal in the Philippines and there are very few people who choose to remain single when compared to other countries in the world. There are many traditions that are still quite important in the process of marriage in this particular country and they will probably remain relevant for a long time.