Basic Privileged Human Moments As Explained By Tiffany Pollard Gifs

Jesi Taylor Cruz
Jun 20, 2019 · 5 min read

No explanation needed. You’re either with it or you’re not.

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When you’re at a restaurant and the server — who should always be tipped at least 20%, don’t be like Mr. Pink — comes over to fill your glass with water and starts to walk away with the rest but you’re thirsty as fuck:

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When you quicken your pace as fast as you possibly can to catch the bus but — even though it’s stopped at a red light — the driver pretends they don’t see you and pulls away after ignoring your door knocks for 13 seconds and you walk back to the bust stop bench like:

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When you’re on a date with someone you met on Tinder — that you don’t intend to ever see again because you just want to fuck them once and move on — and they start to explain why they’re hype to vote for Joe Biden:

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When you — a lover of all things related to winter holidays, particularly those that take place in November and December — enter your local Target and see the few, remaining Halloween items on sale and all the Chrismahanukwanzakah stuff everywhere else:

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When your post gets thousands of reactions and comments on social media:

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When you’ve already changed your Grubhub restaurant choice three times — and you’ve changed the contents of your current cart twice — and then your partner asks you to hurry up and pick something before the restaurants close:

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When a stranger — who clearly doesn’t realize who they’re talking to — responds to your vague tweet about structural violence and systemic inequity with an ignorant comment about Social Darwinism:

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When your new sex toy does a better job than you thought it would:

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When you haven’t had a chance to eat all day and you find a melted Milky Way bar in your back pocket on your way home:

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When your friend sends you a dank meme that perfectly describes your current state of mind:

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When you hear someone at the party use the word “privacy” and “safety” in the same sentence so you go on a rant about Big Brother and ever-evolving technologies:

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When you and your friends decide to host a Guac Off competition — and you’ve been perfecting your guacamole recipe for months now — and your vegan friend with the tattoo of an avocado on their ankle says, “You don’t stand a chance!” so you respond with:

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When you order one regular and one decaf coffee and ask the barista to tell you which one is which and they don’t remember:

When you’ve had a migraine for three hours, the medication finally kicks in, and you all of a sudden get diarrhea:

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When someone asks you what you think of the current US presidential candidates:

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When your friend — who can’t even make lemonade right — asks you to try their first batch of home brewed kombucha:

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When you’re broke, at a coworkers birthday dinner at a restaurant with three $$$ and — even though you told everyone weeks ago that you’d only pay for your order of a side salad and one glass of champagne — everyone guilts you into splitting the bill evenly with them even though you already put in fifteen extra dollars to cover the tip:

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When you’ve been constipated for eight days and you finally let it all out after a stressful twenty minutes in the bathroom:

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When you prepare a pomegranate for eating without making a mess of the kitchen and all you have to clean up after are the knife and cutting board:

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When you’re telling your friends about that one time you went to the petting zoo to meet llamas as a kid:

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When some bitch you’ve never met overuses em dashes and you wonder if they even know how to use them properly:

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