This is so thoughtful and perfect. I’ve long felt a guilty nagging that I didn’t hate my exes with the fiery passion that seemed to be the norm.That after mourning the relationship’s end and healing my heart, I had to acknowledge that the sparks of their personalities, their quirky selves, still held a place there.
Looking back on the relationships in my 20s from the vantage point of being almost 40 (holy hell), I’m so very grateful that I’ve been able to build real friendships with several of my former loves, and, as we’ve gotten older, with their lovely spouses/partners as well. It’s lovely to think back to important moments in my life (new jobs, birthday parties, getting married, having my son) and know they were able to partake in the celebration.
I can’t say it was easy to build these relationships, that they happened with every ex, or that every ex’s spouse was super thrilled when we first met, regardless of how close we are now) — it took time and space and repeated cancelled visits or skipped invitations.
I’m so very glad it happened this way, instead of thinking of those years of my life, all of those moments, were colored over with anger and hate.