Monday thoughts

The thing with “finding motivation and inspiration” is that it lays within you, not in quotes or whatever famous white girls on Instagram posts, okay. Now time for all the sexist and/or racist comments on that segment. I am currently actually searching for inspiration and/or motivation to find out what I want to study next year because of several reasons; 1. I don’t want to work in the shitty underpaid coffee house where i work, 2. I’m in a quite stable financial situation right now so it would be perfect to get a spot in an university or college now, 3. I’ve soon enough been way too long out of the grid of actually reading intelectual stuff other than newsarticles and whatever pops up on social medias.

I am one of the worst writers because i’m unorganized and extremely forgetful, but you know what? I don’t care, i just happen to like writing down my thoughts bad or good. I am a project starter, don’t like finishing stuff because i hate endings, it represents my only fear in life, death. I’ve made a list for myself to survive in life, yes i actually have. 1. Always have your financial position in order. 2. Have friends close. 3. Be happy about even the smallest things. 4. Don’t waste a chance or regret anything. 5. Be spontanious but always know what you’re doing in the whole. I’m like a big kid, i don’t like commitment or serious talk. It’s all play for me. I want to grow up but at the same time i want to keep on going as a 19-year old kid.

So I have been on and off about searching for schools but whenever i find one it’s like i start questioning everything and scratch the idea i’ve been working on. I’m not an easy quitter but with this typical topic I just can’t fight back the urge to just say “whatever” and watch Netflix eat something unhealthy and feel sorry for myself, pick myself up and complain and make a list of why i’m a big loser and a bitch and repeat everything all over again.

I know it’s not too late to figure out what to do but i’m in no mood to work shitty jobs with shitty paychecks, i want to travel and meet new people, get new experiences and be a basic white girl on Instagram. Growing up sucks, man. It really does. I do not fancy responsivility. Can’t even fucking spell it correctly… I’m sure you guys have seen series where the characters are around 30 and still don’t have their lifes together and i feel for them really, like it’s cool that you don’t have it together yet. Me neither, but i’m 19 so that’s really okay i guess?

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