Dear Aaron

I keep spacing out on the reality of today. Ever since I heard the news Wednesday there’s been a lingering shadow snapping it’s fingers at my heart. I feel like there is something wrong with me when I don’t cry but I just can’t. I end up staring off at the nick in the wood on our dining room table of the top right corner.

And then I hear the snaps again. I keep pleading and begging with the world in my head to stop, and it won’t. It just won’t. The world seems to turn anyways and the shadow keeps by my side.

I’ve missed you for a long time. But it was different then. I could answer your texts and see your posts on Facebook. I could make Dumb and Dumber jokes on your profile that would amount to about thirty comments. And the beauty of this was we had done that very thing so much I could literally hear your laugh and wait for your next reaction.

I’ve been listening to the music I sent you to check out, waiting to feel you. I can see your face during certain bass drops and hear your eyes widening with particular cords, just like the old days. The lyrics still as sweet as when you first heard them. They will always stay that sweet to me because now they bare an entirely new meaning.

Aaron your spirit is still so alive. I don’t sense that you have actually left. I will face this and it will sink in, but I will always choose to embrace your spirit more. I will carry that with me in every song I listen to and every smile I beam. Because at the end of every memory I have with you all that comes to mind is; that there is nothing left to do but smile, smile, smile. So I will. For you, with you and because of you.

I love you, brother. I miss you and I will see you again.