This story is unavailable.

We ‘Murcans have become a nation of Neckbeards and Snowflakes and Social Trolls. No responsibility can be laid at our feet. We kick it a way and aim our booger coated fingers at the other guy. “Don’t trigger us, we are gender and racially nonspecific. We are wonderful mutants created from ones and zeros in the image of Steve Jobs.”

We are the bastard offspring of helicopter mothers and impotent metrosexuals with glorious topknots and portfolios. Ineffective parents who spared the rod in favor of WoW subscriptions and Magic card pacifiers. We are the sons of South Park and the daughters of third dimensional Disney. We are the direct descendants of Ash Ketchum!

We learned to confront life by watching the World’s Greatest Freakout. Our flexible pronouns and trigger warnings keep us safe. We dispense compassion in great fonts before grand audiences with ice bucket challenges. We absolutely adore ourselves. Our Cookie Monster eats kale chips!

We are the New ‘Murca!
And we are making our shit great again!
Someone please burn a flag!

One clap, two clap, three clap, forty?

By clapping more or less, you can signal to us which stories really stand out.