thinking of where we find ourselves
in this life

somewhat shrouded
sometimes stuck on survive

the ways we neglect the vessel of body
and truth deep down in bone
because of a story that tells us we don’t know our own souls

i believe now 
it just isn’t true

but it also isn’t always clear
the direction to take or wether to wait 
on some kind of definitive flashing sign that points 

especially when there is a very raw, tender understanding that we are always discovering more of what we want and believe 
as we dismantle and question the world views and models we have previously accepted
we are brought into reckoning 
with what is truly honest 
what the things our whole soul responds to with full inhale and determined yes

and sometimes the cycle of getting by and paying bills and checking everything off of the to do list of just being an adult human with growing children and very real responsibilities in this culture, at THIS time 
is enough

to want to numb the heart
close the wants
lose the sleep
until you deprive yourself of so much that brings you alive 
that you no longer feel like you recognize

that blurry reflection of the core of you
the soul of you
the very creation of who you are 
and you realize … 
now is always the time
really, the only time
to look good and hard at what lives inside 
and maybe make peace
and maybe fight hard
and maybe feel enough love 
to sit alongside what is uncomfortable in there 
and whisper an acknowledgment of existence 
a necessary goodbye
to welcome a new hello 
an invitation to be a loving agent to this one precious life

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