Things Your Newborn Does and Does Not Care About

Things your newborn does not care about:

  • What you do for a job
  • Whether or not you have tattoos
  • How good you were at football in high school
  • Your favorite presidential candidate
  • Whether you’re a PC or a Mac
  • When you like to sleep
  • Your thoughts on dentists and lions
  • How cute their clothes are
  • Your net worth
  • Your thoughts on gay marriage
  • What music is on your iPod
  • What kind of car you drive
  • How many promotions you’ve had
  • How good your jokes are
  • Pictures
  • Your fantasy baseball team
  • That one night where you got completely wasted
  • How quickly you can beat Portal 2
  • How big your house is
  • Your GPA and test scores
  • How much you can drink
  • Sports
  • How much you spent on those pants
  • Whether your morning coffee was fair trade and organic
  • Your IQ
  • Your favorite subreddits
  • Who you know
  • How much you can bench press
  • Where you went to college
  • How spicy you like your food

Things your newborn does care about:

  • The smell of things
  • The temperature of things
  • Hearing things
  • Milk
  • The state of their diaper
  • Being held
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