what comes from being a varsity drop out?

well i felt pressured into studying right away after i matriculated high school. i felt as if that was the right thing to do, because i felt the pressure of straight after high school you go on to getting your degree and becoming a contributing member of society and then moving on to marriage and kids after and that was just the way of life.

what good did i know a 18? how was i suppose to chose my career for the rest of my life at just 18, i was practically still a kid, my parents still made my doctors/dentist appointments so please tell me how i had this huge responsibility of deciding on what i would be doing for the rest of my life.

regardless of all the stress i had on what career path i should go in, i still decided on going to varsity even though my father picked my course for me. so i was a small fish in a big pond in my first year of varsity studying consumer science: food and nutrition , i was suppose to feel happy everyday learning and loving everything about my course because this is what i was going to do for the rest of my life.

a year and a half into my studies i developed real bad anxiety and basically had tears in my eyes everyday while traveling to varsity. my anxiety began after i realized that this wasn't for me and i hated traveling on the metrorail all by myself because i genuinely feared for my life, i didn't know when it would be the last time i saw my parents and siblings and i was just so fearful and of cause that made my anxiety worse. what made my anxiety hit the point where i self medicated just to take the fear, stress, nausea ,racing heartbeat , tears and numbness away, was that i did mot want to be the family disappointment because i was the first one besides my father that actually went all the way to a tertiary level of education and the fact that my sister had already disappointed my parents enough with regards to education, i honestly just wanted to see them happy at the expense of my health and mental well being.

so i suffered for a entire year and a half just so that i could avoid further disappointment.

varsity kind of felt like a prison sentence for me and most people say that varsity life will be life changing but obviously they meant in a very positive way, but for me it was definitely life changing but in a down -word spiral way for me. i would bung classes just so i could be on my way home again, or simply make up excuses as to why i wasn't going into varsity.

till it got to the point where i decided that i couldn't put myself through this, not only was it mentally challenging me but i was also wasting my fathers money on my studies as i was not on a study bursary and i was bunking classes and failing some subjects, all in all i just hated it.

i woke up and decided to express just exactly how i was feeling and as you can image it did not go well at all i got yelled at and to this day i get called a failure and a drop out and just all things to break you down but honestly this was my first adult decision and it was the first step i took to becoming an individual and not the baby of the family.

moral of the story, no matter the situation do not allow yourself to sit another minute in a unhappy situation, you are your own hero, your own best friend and nobody has you like you have you so look out for yourself, at the end of the day its your life and take ownership of it because your parents wont be doing your job for you when you qualify and they definitely wont be carrying around your unhappiness.

in conclusion, do you to the best of your ability and live your best life no matter how if may make other people feel, its all about you at the end of the day.