Recently, God has turned my life upside down in an awesome way. To be completely honest, ive never really understood how to be fully satisfied in Jesus alone. To be even more brutally honest, I wasn’t sure if that even sounded like something I wanted to do.
See, I love life. I find a lot of joy in friendships, growth, work, exercise, food, etc, and have typically been able to bounce from one of those to another to find a sense of “fulfillment” and “joy” in my days. Sure, it was a struggle at times, and felt kinda shaky and circumstantial, but I made it work.
Then over the past year, I came up against every challenge you can imagine — big defeats and disappointments in my business, a very painful pregnancy, financial obstacles, the 3's with Avalyn, loss of confidence, many hurting friends, etc. My typical way is to “cope” by bouncing from one of my happy areas to another and find things to make me feel better. But this time, God didn’t let it work. Slowly, all joy and fulfillment from any of those things seeped out and I found myself striving and grabbing for SOMETHING, ANYTHING to make me feel better about life.
And that’s when TRUTH was spoken to my soul and this time I chose to believe it. Not only to believe it but to act on that Truth.
The TRUTH is that nothing will satisfy my soul except Jesus. Period. Anything and anyone else that I look to will leave me empty or disillusioned sooner or later. To chase fulfillment in ANYTHING but Jesus is a never ending race to disappointment.
As I came to remember that, I still didn’t know what it would even look like to act on that. How would I get fulfillment from Jesus? What did that mean?
All I could do is try it. So on that day, when that empty feeling and desperate sense hit me, I just said “I choose you Jesus.” And leaned into Him. Leaned my heart and mind into Him. And then I did it again. And again. The first day was so hard — I felt like a turtle without a shell. But by the end of that day, do you know what I felt?
The strength of Jesus filled my soul. I could feel His presence and His strength flow through me in a way I’ve never experienced. And with that came a sense of peace, true joy and real fulfillment. Something lasting, that had nothing to do with my circumstances.
It is the strength that He has been offering me since the day I accepted Him as my Savior, and I’ve been missing it. Settling for “happiness” that I thought I could control, and visible, “tangible” shadows of fulfillment. But I’ve missed out on the greatest strength I could ever imagine that is ready to flow through me if I’ll just LET it.
I’m done with seeking satisfaction in anything but Jesus. I’m leaning into Him and letting Him break the chains that have held me captive for so many years. This is my new way to live…
“Be strong in the Lord (empowered by your union with Him), draw your strength from Him (the strength His boundless might provides).”