Caught in the Cage:
If you haven’t yet read Untamed by Glennon Doyle, I highly recommend it. Her book is amazing! At the beginning of her book, she talks about a caged cheetah but this cheetah wonders in bewilderment of the wild within her, the untamed within. Untamed gave me the courage to let my cheetah out of my cage…
Until about 2 years ago I had a really hard time feeling anything except moments of happiness typically brought on by an achievement, a new pair of shoes, pants, coffee, or my kids making me laugh. The majority of the time I felt mostly numb, easily frustrated, and/or irritated, typically because of work or something my kids or husband had done.
I spent my whole life trying not to feel, I grew up hearing you are fine, you are ok, if you’re going to cry, I will give you something to cry about. I know I am not alone here. Many of us heard these comments. I grew up in sports and then in technology in corporate America and I thought there was no place for feelings. So, I would always push my feelings down, suppressing them. I didn’t know how to address my feelings, honestly, I didn’t want to feel all of my feelings. I did not like feeling ‘bad’ feelings. So, I threw myself into my work. I overworked myself as an outlet to not have to feel, to not have to process my feelings. Work was my way out; work was my coping mechanism.
I have been a recovering workaholic for over two years now. I have come a long way since then and have done a lot of healing, soul searching, and coaching. This healing has allowed for true joy, self-love, self-acceptance, self-connection, elation, and the ability to really feel my feelings both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’. This journey has given me the ability to feel and these feelings are my superpower. These feelings have brought forth my Knowing, this light within me.
When Glennon spoke of this Knowing in her book Untamed, I immediately resonated with what she was saying. I could hear this Knowing, I could feel this Knowing, I knew this Knowing. But here is where I veered off, I didn’t really listen to my Knowing. Enter ‘Untamed’ by Glennon Doyle. My Knowing knew that I needed Glennon to help me release my inner cheetah. The cheetah caged within.
Coming out of my cage:
Through the healing I had done over the last two years I had managed to open the door to my cage. I often stepped foot outside my cage, but I did not leave my cage because I thought it helped me feel safe, but in actuality what it did is help others around me feel safe. My cage did not keep me safe, it kept me controlled. Something I no longer want to be. My cage kept me saying and doing things to keep others happy. My cage kept me from trusting and listening to myself. My cage kept me from my true happiness.
I no longer stay in my cage; I roam around the outside of it, sometimes I run far from it. I often look back at it and sometimes find myself near it when I am about to do something that goes against my Knowing and then I remember I don’t want to be in that cage, I am a Goddamn Cheetah.