An ode to Microsoft Paint

And all of the reminiscent feels that go along with it

I am the oldest in my family. And, as most oldest children know, being the oldest comes with many things.

For me, it meant never eating Swedish Fish (Red 40 would plague my growth), watching cable television (PBS is life), or playing video games (they would turn me into a serial killer).

Bet you can’t watch this gif without singing the intro.

While my parental limits on sugar intake and screen time created a negative feedback loop in terms of my millennial coming-of-age, it did provide a interesting challenge: what computer activities would make my parents believe I would one day become a productive citizen?

The answer: Microsoft Paint.

At first, I dabbled. Ensuring my parents that Paint was just a modern iteration of finger painting. I would sketch the occasional still life of the family dog or paint a ocean-front landscape.

I was no Monet. But — maybe with a touch of the spray paint tool, a sepia filter, and squinting your eyes — Van Gogh wouldn’t be a stretch.

I was, and am still today, no artist. So luckily, I learned how to download and import photos. And, the lasso tool.

Political commentary became my forte.

I would paste snarky comments onto photos of world leaders, or, better yet, drag their contorted visages onto the bodies of monsters. (I’m still doing this today.)

I would not be the meme queen that I strive to be today without you, Microsoft Paint. You gave a sheltered first-child a way into the world.

Twenty-two of your 32 years meant more than you could imagine to me.

Rest in Peace, you wonderful piece of software.