S is for………

The scariest day of each week when I was married was Sunday. Before we married, Sunday was happy. No matter how hard it rained outside, it was still a happy, sunny bright day. Before we married, every day was beautiful- Sunday was just like it’s counterparts- with just a little something extra. Before we married, Sunday was happy.

After we married, Saturday afternoon started to speed up. Everyday was scary and moved in a blur, Saturdays were just like it’s counterparts- but by afternoon they moved faster and faster. The little hand on the clock moved quicker- sometimes not even taking the time to tick, it sped up and no matter how hard I willed it to slow down, to stop it never did. Saturday afternoons bled into Saturday nights. Saturday nights were filled with stomach aches and migraines, uncontrollable shaking, rocking, and fear. Staying awake to delay the inevitable — but Sunday always came.

Before we married, Sunday was free. Sunday was warm comfy beds, thick comforters and open windows with the breeze tickling my face. Sunday was watching movies with the kids, making big dinners, and dancing to loud music. Sunday was light, weightless, bouncy, bubble blowing, bike riding, thrilling and safe. Before we married, Sunday was free.

After we married, Sunday woke up screaming!! It was angry, yelling, and bleeding- RIOTOUS, frightening. Scrambling to find his special shirt, crying and apologizing for the the lack of hot water, begging the kids to talk quietly, praying the church service would remind him to stop. To pause. To recognize. To love. To listen. To. Just. Stop.

After we married, Sunday bled into Monday. Monday was Sunday’s evil twin, but slightly more benign. Monday was apologizing, empty promises, 8 hours of escape, drowning, begging, praying, wishing, and dreaming of somewhere else, something else, anything else but this. Monday was just another Sunday, that turned into Tuesday, which turned into Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Saturday afternoon- MIGRAINES, STOMACH ACHES, RACING CLOCKS, NO NO NO- please no more Sundays.

Before we married, Sunday was free. Sunday was happy.

S is for

Screaming, Shouting, Slamming, Slap, Strangle, Stifled, Scared, Sorry, Sobbing, Secret, Silent, Shivering, Stop, Save me…..