The Sign to Nowhere
I’ve always been the type of person who’s looking for a sign. A sign giving me the okay to go ahead and move forward with something, even if the decision is something so trivial like deciding whether to text somebody or deciding where to eat for dinner. These signs have come to me in many forms.
Let me give you an example. I’ve completely relied on chance to make my decisions. Do you remember the games we played when we were little? Specifically the one that involved picking petals off a flower one by one to find out if he/she loves me/you? This a version of what I’ve done for the last 23 years.
It may sound silly and childish, but making decisions has always been stressful for me. In the past, I have used a bird’s movements (not exaggerating) and the next song on my Spotify playlist to determine my fate. I have sought the advice of strangers, trusting their advice more rather than my own instinct. By following the direction of these signs, I’ve prevented myself from doing what I love most and am destined to do. I was prohibiting myself from following my dreams, without even knowing it. What I realize now is that I’ve missed out on amazing career and educational opportunities because I let fear and my devotion to these signs drive my life. Rather, I wish I would’ve listened to my inner voice encouraging me to pursue photography, drawing, painting, and writing.
As I grow older, I think back to all those times my inner voice was begging me to pursue photography, to enroll in the film class I’ve been dying to take, and to travel to Ecuador to experience a beautiful culture and environment so different from my own. These are just a few to name, but I talked myself out of doing every single one of them. I wish I would’ve taken more chances and let go of the fear and anxiety crippling me from doing my best. The anxiety and fear constantly remind me of my flaws, which in turn tell me that I’m not good or worthy enough. But just because the voice in my head repeats this over and over again doesn’t mean that it’s true.
At 23 years old, I’ve slowly come to realize that you can’t let signs dictate your life because they are meaningless. I’ve spent most of my life looking for someone/something to make decisions for me because I didn’t have trust in myself. But, trust is one of the most important values, after all. I want to encourage you to trust in yourself. You know yourself better than anybody else and trust that whatever decision you make, is the right one for you. There is never a right or wrong decision to anything in life. While yes, whatever decision you make generates a different outcome, the best part is the unknown because the opportunities are endless. If you are anything like me, the journey might bring about a lot of stress and mental breakdowns, but I still want to inspire you to look forward and take more chances because this is all part of the process. We can all go on this journey together and be motivators for one another. Although it isn’t easy for some of us, we can take baby steps to hit our goal. Trust me, you will feel better knowing that you’re working on something that you are so passionate about than choosing not to pursue anything at all.
So what are we going to do about this? Personally, I’m doing it right now as I write this. Writing for myself is new to me and I’m tackling it the best I can. It’s scary, not going to lie. I’m constantly questioning myself and my abilities, but it’s something that truly makes me happy and feel alive.
And I want the same for you so, stop the cycle now and stop following the signs. Create your own path. Live your dreams, not the dreams of your parents, friends, or society. Be your own person. Search what’s within you. Take up a new hobby. Who knows, a new hobby could change your life. It has for me.
Search for the unknown and you’ll find what you’re looking for.