The 3 Keys to Becoming Irresistible
John Gorman
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Because it’s impossible for someone to see themselves as others do (David McRaney’s eye-opening books You are not so Smart and You are now less Dumb taught me this) I hesitate to say that I possess these qualities. But as empathy was my top characteristic in strengths finder, and I’m constantly learning everything I can about subjects that interest me, which morph into other subjects that intersect them, and I’m also sure I could be wrong about everything I believe, I feel that I possess these qualities. The problem with them? In my experience, people with these characteristics are smiled at, petted, but thought naive and idealistic.

Could it be due to everyone’s natural tendencies to unwittingly defend everything they currently think by dismissing those that believe differently? Possibly. Curious, humble, empathic people tend to ask challenging questions. “Why do you believe that? Is it possible that someone else’s vastly different take on the subject might be valid?” Those are not welcome questions. Our brains are not designed to be so open to new ideas because they’re already taxed with holding onto information they have acquired. New information and its tendency to make people perform the taxing mental work involved with rethinking everything they believe regarding a new thought makes our brains put up walls, so to speak. This is natural.

As a person whose world views have whirlwinded from one extreme belief system taught since childhood into a vastly different and less concrete set of views as an adult, I can absolutely say it is a ton of work and it kinda sucks to not be certain of things the way we’d like to be.

I guess I’m just saying, the people around me tend to push me away when my curious side tumbles out, laughing me off as sweet but unrealistic. I don’t find these qualities to be magnetic to many.

Perhaps, as one such person, you’re attracted to those people because you’re not only unafraid, but open to new ideas? However, your personality does not appear to be representative of most, at least in my experience.

I would that people could let go their fear of uncertainty and embrace the pain that comes with change of ideas, but it’s difficult for me to see it happening.

Once again, I could be seeing this all wrong, but these qualities tend to make me feel different and unsafe to others, not magnetic.

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