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Jessica Hagy
Jessica Hagy

5.1K Followers

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Sep 8, 2021

The algorithm says:  YOU SHOULD DO MORE EXERCISE Your body says:  I AM VEAL FOR MY SLAUGHTERHOUSER…

The algorithm says: YOU SHOULD DO MORE EXERCISE Your body says: I AM VEAL FOR MY SLAUGHTERHOUSER SUPERVISERS PASS THE FRIES The algorithm says: IT IS TIME TO RETURN TO THE OFFICE Your body says: ONLY WHEN IN MY PRECARIOUSLY OCCUPIED HOME DO I FEEL SAFE FROM PREDATORS The algorithm…

Resilience

2 min read

The algorithm says: 
YOU SHOULD DO MORE EXERCISE
Your body says: 
I AM VEAL FOR MY SLAUGHTERHOUSER…
The algorithm says: 
YOU SHOULD DO MORE EXERCISE
Your body says: 
I AM VEAL FOR MY SLAUGHTERHOUSER…
Resilience

2 min read


Oct 30, 2017

2017’s 4-Letter Word

Most acronyms get annoying Morons achieve grand ambitions Main arterial gushes affluence Mortgage another generation’s abilities Manifest another goon army Minorities are getting annihilated Middling abilities generate alarm Multiple allegations gain attention Make another gin aperitif Menstruation alarms guys, amirite? Models appreciate gropes, actually Medical assessment: go away Mad about gay acceptance Marginalized animus gone awry Mandatory allegiance goads athletes Machiavellians are…

Poetry

1 min read

Poetry

1 min read


May 22, 2017

Clickbait headlines you don’t have to click.

You’re welcome. I ran away to live with a roving pack of monkeys, became their queen, and you won’t believe what happened next. Payoff: The monkeys staged a coup and stole all of my clothes and documents. How can you get a raise in today’s economy? We asked the experts. Payoff: Be good at your job and then diplomatically ask for a raise. Can you handle what’s inside this old man’s grapefruit-sized shoulder cyst?

Humor

2 min read

Humor

2 min read


Mar 15, 2017

March Madness: Tournament of Terrible Gifts

1 min read

March Madness: Tournament of Terrible Gifts
March Madness: Tournament of Terrible Gifts

1 min read


Published in

ART + marketing

·Dec 12, 2016

Krampus on the Shelf

Like Elf on the Shelf, only updated for the 2016 Holiday Season How to play: Leave a bowl of raw meat out for Krampus to consume each night. Tell the children that Krampus is a lot like Santa Claus, only with more powerful lobbyists and better, far more expensive, lawyers…

Christmas

4 min read

Krampus on the Shelf
Krampus on the Shelf
Christmas

4 min read


Published in

Student Voices

·Oct 10, 2016

The ABCs For Terribly Spoiled Children

A is for abroad, where you’ll study someday. B is for banking, a game daddy plays. C is for college, which is already paid for. D is for doorman and his fast elevator. E is for easy, how your life will be. F is for freedom, it’s bought with money. …

College

2 min read

The ABCs For Terribly Spoiled Children
The ABCs For Terribly Spoiled Children
College

2 min read


Jun 30, 2016

Douchebag Bingo

A game no one wins.

1 min read

Douchebag Bingo
Douchebag Bingo

1 min read


Mar 16, 2016

TOURNAMENT OF SMELLS

Okay, I’ll fill out a stinking bracket this year.

Brackets

1 min read

TOURNAMENT OF SMELLS
TOURNAMENT OF SMELLS
Brackets

1 min read


Published in

Personal Growth

·Jan 18, 2016

How You’ll Survive

(or: How Change Will Change You) — Stunning. Absolutely stunning. There it is. The big news. This is serious. Pivotal. Huge. Your life will never be the same. It feels like everything that happened to you before this moment was just preparation for this. But you don’t feel prepared. Not at all. You feel stunned. Floored. Unready…

Life Lessons

12 min read

How You’ll Survive
How You’ll Survive
Life Lessons

12 min read


Nov 19, 2015

Caring for your Highly Organized Person

Highly Organized People require extra-special care and tending. They are the beautiful orchids of our society. They prize structures, schedules, and repeatable outcomes. Highly Organized People are amazing in their abilities to load dishwashers, sort laundry, compose lengthy strategic or financial documents, and orchestrate complex social events. …

Productivity

4 min read

Caring for your Highly Organized Person
Caring for your Highly Organized Person
Productivity

4 min read

Jessica Hagy

Jessica Hagy

5.1K Followers

I doodle a lot. thisisindexed.com & jessicahagy.info

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