Most acronyms get annoying Morons achieve grand ambitions Main arterial gushes affluence Mortgage another generation’s abilities Manifest another goon army Minorities are getting annihilated Middling abilities generate alarm Multiple allegations gain attention Make another gin aperitif Menstruation alarms guys, amirite? Models appreciate gropes, actually Medical assessment: go away Mad about gay acceptance Marginalized animus gone awry Mandatory allegiance goads athletes Machiavellians are…

You’re welcome. I ran away to live with a roving pack of monkeys, became their queen, and you won’t believe what happened next. Payoff: The monkeys staged a coup and stole all of my clothes and documents. How can you get a raise in today’s economy? We asked the experts. Payoff: Be good at your job and then diplomatically ask for a raise. Can you handle what’s inside this old man’s grapefruit-sized shoulder cyst?

Like Elf on the Shelf, only updated for the 2016 Holiday Season How to play: Leave a bowl of raw meat out for Krampus to consume each night. Tell the children that Krampus is a lot like Santa Claus, only with more powerful lobbyists and better, far more expensive, lawyers…

A is for abroad, where you’ll study someday. B is for banking, a game daddy plays. C is for college, which is already paid for. D is for doorman and his fast elevator. E is for easy, how your life will be. F is for freedom, it’s bought with money. …

A game no one wins.

Okay, I’ll fill out a stinking bracket this year.

(or: How Change Will Change You) — Stunning. Absolutely stunning. There it is. The big news. This is serious. Pivotal. Huge. Your life will never be the same. It feels like everything that happened to you before this moment was just preparation for this. But you don’t feel prepared. Not at all. You feel stunned. Floored. Unready…

Highly Organized People require extra-special care and tending. They are the beautiful orchids of our society. They prize structures, schedules, and repeatable outcomes. Highly Organized People are amazing in their abilities to load dishwashers, sort laundry, compose lengthy strategic or financial documents, and orchestrate complex social events. …