Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend...
We've been on a journey, that's for sure.
You've kept me company on many a night over the years. You helped build my bravado, pushed me beyond my limits, 'comforted' me to the point of blackout.
I've tried to disconnect from you over the years, but you're the devil on my shoulder and you keep coming back.
You're like that friend that keeps getting me into trouble, except I have finally realised that you aren't actually my friend.
A real friend wouldn’t encourage me down roads that were so dangerous.
A real friend wouldn't push me to my limits, wouldn't poison me, or get off on seeing me blackout and have panic attacks.
This 'friend' however is socially accepted. They are everywhere you look. They are harmful and legal and encouraged.
This 'friend' wants to keep you trapped in self-doubt and crushing anxiety, they are fuelled by your gluttony and your addiction to chasing the thrills...
Until you realise that what you are actually chasing isn't fun. What actually happens is your off switch disappears completely, and sometimes the people around you encourage you..."Go on, just one more", "Come on, keep up!".
They aren't trying to be malicious, it's just that people don't understand the difficulties you have pacing yourself, they don't understand your complete inability to say 'that's enough' to this so called friend.
You can see more clearly now that this friendship can't continue, even if society encourages it.
You aren't going to be able to grow old peacefully together, except maybe inside the house with a meal.
You know it's coming to the end of the road, you can't be seen out in public together anymore.
And you need to be strong, because the peer pressure is real especially in our British binge culture. However we’ve gone one panic attack too far this time. Had one too many blackouts.
We have outgrown each other, my old friend. I don't want you to control me anymore.
Thanks for all the nights I can't remember, the toilets I've vomited in, the people I've met and have no recollection of...
I hope more and more people start to wake up to how destructive you are.
I hope more people begin to realise that encouraging others to drink isn't just a bit of fun, when you are like me, and once you start you have no idea how to stop.
I hope more people realise just how toxic and damaging you really are.
Goodbye my old friend, off you fuck!
