A Note on Virginity

I’ve been waiting and waiting to talk about this because I really love this topic. But at the same time, I don’t. See, I don’t really believe in virginity. I mean what constitutes me losing my virginity? In our heteronormative society, it’s oftentimes seen as when a woman has vaginal sex with a man. But what if someone never does? Does that mean they’ve never lost their virginity? And what about all the other forms of sex, even those between a man and a woman. Has one not lost it until they’ve had vaginal sex?

In other words, if someone is waiting until marriage, on their wedding night, what are they giving up? I am not handing you a physical object. What have they been “saving”? Is it the idea of being pure?

I think these are all really interesting questions. It all goes back to the idea that virginity is a social construct, or created and developed by society. (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/social-construct) We can compare this to things like gender and racism.

Gender is a social construct as you were not born with your gender assigned to you, that’s just your biological sex. Society leads, oftentimes your parents to gender you as male or female based your sex, but it wasn’t assigned to you. Similarly, we are all (until we’ve had this sexual experience) born as pure, as virgins. This can makes sex seem dirty and losing your “virginity” as losing your purity.

It’s also interesting to look at what constitutes “losing your virginity” within the LGBTQ Community. To me, I don’t really see it as a label I hold or don’t hold and really love discussing it with others.

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Originally published at queersmatter.wordpress.com on December 31, 2015.