Transgender Allies in the public restroom

By Jessica Soukup
Ever since North Carolina passed that bathroom bill, people have been asking me what they can do as allies to be supportive of their transgender and gender diverse family, friends and neighbors.
Usually the first suggestion is that they themselves will begin using the opposite gender restroom. This is particularly common among women who are cisgender (their gender identity is the same as their gender assigned at birth).
They often make this offer because they know that they could go in a men’s room and use a stall and even if someone comments there would be no consequences. The same cannot be said for transgender people over 10% of which are verbally or physically assaulted in a public restroom each year as reported by the National Center for Transgender Equality.
While their hearts are in the right place, having a cisgender woman use a men’s room actually muddles the discussion and invalidate the real fear transgender people have. In fact, the 2015 National Transgender Survey found that 60% of transgender people avoided using a public restroom out of fear.
There are however things that you can do to make a difference.
Challenge people who say they need protection or that their privacy is denied when transgender people use the restroom that most closely matches their gender identity. You can talk about how transgender people have been using the restroom forever and how the individual stalls provide privacy. Even if they don’t agree with you, speaking up has value.
You can talk about how most people don’t carry the birth certificates around with them that are required to prove your gender to use the restroom. This makes the law very difficult or impossible to enforce. Certainly we don’t want to put police or security guards in the position of inspecting people’s genitals
You can talk about how the people often challenged in the restroom are cisgender women who chose not to put makeup on and get dressed up that day.
In addition to challenging in conversation, you can call your legislator and tell them that you do not support these bathroom laws.
In the event you are present when someone is being challenged, the most important thing that you can do is to get the person being challenged out of danger. Often just speaking up for them is enough but escorting them out of the restroom and helping them find a safe place to go is better than any extended argument that can spiral out of control. Interactions with police and security guards are often challenging for transgender people 85% of whom do not have an ID that shows the correct name and gender marker because of the cost and complexity in getting one.
While the consequences tied to bathroom laws around the country vary, many times it’s not the law that causes the danger. The rhetoric surrounding the law empowers some people to feel vindicated in acting as self-appointed restroom gender monitors. This only gets worse if alcohol is involved.
Transgender people, especially transgender people of color, need your allyship however in being an ally you want to make sure that you’re effective and not making matters worse. Knowing what to do is an important part of being an ally.
