‘Reformation’

I and Love and You

It has been a rough couple of months, as all relationships can be when they are distant, and I am not talking about the emotional kind. Long distance requires commitment, patience, understanding and discipline. I cannot imagine long distance relationships that span over more than a year, and I cannot imagine those relationships attached to an Army, Navy, Air force or Marine who are constantly overseas and a part for long periods of time.

It is easy to get caught up in the first moments of lush romance, after all, the first few months of dating are called the “honeymoon phase” for a reason. The relationship hasn’t found any kinks yet, annoyances are not as pronounced, intimate moments are focused on more than real life itself. When real life steps in, the honeymoon phase screeches to a halt and that is when the real relationship starts.

If you can get through the hard times, without holding on to those selfish reasons that keep us from understanding, you can now pronounce yourself a real relationship. Long distance has its perks, it helps you find your own space, rhythm, and a whole life completely your own without your partner. But when it turns into a few months, or a year it becomes a challenge to keep anything as sweet as honey and what was once lush romance turns into lethargic miscommunications.

Falling in love is easy. A lifetime of love is worth it. Relationships are not always easy, I should know, I’ve been through too many fragmented arguments, ego checks, and over confident ridden boys looking for themselves. The man I date now, has been a tango for learning about each other again. When you’re distant from each other, it is easier to second guess, play the game, if you will, want to fight back. Relationships do not just end in an instant, we all want to love and be happy, so why aren’t we all in love and happy? Why is being away from each other so difficult when we have everything we have ever wanted? Someone to love us back?

We become experts at sabotaging our own happiness. Feeling like victims, when really it is the choices we make, the bad habits, the vices, the inability to show love or affection, that tear us down. We’re not victims. We’re assassins when it comes to love and happiness. We applaud the sentiment but we don’t change. It is because we want what we want at that time, and we victimize ourselves. It isn’t helping anyone, nor are the little arguments that spur from misunderstanding help a distance relationship flourish and grow. We have to be better. And I will keep trying, although I know it is inaccurate to say that relationships are perfect and always full of sunshine, but I believe in true love, and I believe at love and first sight and the things we truly desire for ourselves, that make our lives a little better, like love. Often people are driven by the material things, the money, the fancy job, and the things we already have, family, friendships, love, are often overlooked and taken for granted.

I will embrace the unexpected , the sporadic changes, and try to focus on what truly matters. I watched Ancient Aliens, because it is his favorite television show and he asked why I thought it was his favorite, and I was confused because I remember hearing that he liked talking about the unknown, the dark spots of reality. He looked at me with those coffee grounded colored eyes and I said I always chose to watch Ancient Aliens because I knew it was his favorite. After months of not seeing him, hugging him and miscommunications, small moments reveal themselves in dark spots in our own reality, when we least expect it, without even knowing it, they reveal themselves everyday. That is what we all should be paying attention to, but are we? Most likely not. And I guess sometimes with the rush of life we forget to cherish these dark spots in our own reality, but for now, all I need to remember is I, and Love, and You.

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