Kevin Hart: The Dark Night Rises

I’m a Grown Little Man: The Man Behind the Mic

The heartbreaking childhood, the mastering of a skill, the protecting of others from the same pain they know all too well. These are all the key components in the making of a comic book superhero. However, they are also the origin story of how Kevin Hart became the man we all know and love today.

Kevin’s comic book would start with how his father abandoned him, ran into trouble with the law, had a cocaine addiction and was never there for Kevin during his childhood; Kevin’s survival story seems nothing short of miraculous. Even with the odds stacked aginst him he found a way to thrive. Children growing up without a father are far more susceptible to drop out of high school, suffer depression, and engage in criminal activity (9.). Kevin has attributed his comedy career to the fact that other people’s laughter was his escape from the harsh reality that he faced as a child. In many ways, he tries to subtly sneak this message across to his audience, like the title of his most recent stand-up album: “Laugh at my Pain.”

Now just because Kevin liked to make people laugh does not mean he was always good at it. Originally performing at The Laff House under the stage name “Lil Kev,” he told jokes that he thought the audience would like instead of ones he thought were funny. He was so bad in one show that a member in the audience literally threw food at him. It looked like the end for our young hero, but that was before he met Keith Robinson: the man that pulled Kevin out from under the pile of rotten tomatoes under which audiences had buried him. Keith was a well-established comedian and decided to take Kevin under his wing for some mentorship. Even though everyone thought Keith was crazy, he saw something in Kevin, something that he knew was special and had to be perfected (10.). After being mentored by Keith, Kevin began finding his true self as a comedian. He lost the obnoxious stage name and began to tell jokes about his everyday life. Once Keith helped Hart hone in his comedy superpower, after this he skyrocketed; he won multiple comedy competitions and the fame grew exponentially.

Although they were an improvement in his stand-up, the short guest star appearances he made were nowhere close to the fame he holds today. Like many superheroes, it was the ultimate tragedy that pushed him over the edge into greatness: Nancy Hart, Kevin’s caretaker, mother, and biggest fan, died from cancer in 2007(10.). With so much pain, Kevin never had a choice. With laughter being his only medicine for this pain he took to the stage. That is why, only a year later, he released one of the greatest stand-up albums to ever hit the shelves. To him, he feels like he is making the world a happier place, making sure people do not have to suffer the pain he knows even if it is only for the brief moments brought by laughter. He is a real-life superhero.

In the words of Harvey Dent to Batman “You either die the hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.”(11.). Kevin Hart’s comic book does not have a happy ending. After being reunited with his father, Kevin’s life began to slip. In 2011, Kevin and his wife filed for divorce, placing his children in a similar situation as his own. His ex-wife, Torrei, stated that Kevin even cheated on her with his current wife while they were together. (12.) While his fame and relationship with his father have been strengthening, he continues to spiral downward. In April of 2013, Kevin was arrested for drunk driving after almost crashing into a gas tanker. A reckless and deadly move not only for himself but for anyone around him (18.). Is Kevin Hart’s hubris getting the best of him? Or, almost like a child abuse victim, does he unknowingly feel the need to inflict the pain he has gone through on others? Weather Kevin is turning bad or simply in a rough patch in his life one thing is for sure and that a talent as big as his doesn’t come without a price.

Back seat

Sit down Sit down! I’m going to put the microphone stand down, I don’t want to be looking small out here! ain’t nobody gotta know the truth. How yall doin? Yall doin good? If you ain’t good, you look good. Lot of shit going on in my life right now. I got another kid. I can’t say shit about it neither they both mine. 2 kids, 2 car seats, that’s depressing right there. You ever talk to a girl with car seats in your car?… shits depressing. “Come here baby girl let me talk to you for a minute.” “Mmmm what’s what in the back seat?” “Bitch look at me don’t worry about that! Look at the positive (motions to self) not the negative. (points at car seats). I’m trying to talk to you about some serious stuff.”

Kids

Kids man… Kids change your life. I know I’m getting older because of my kids. When you’re a father you just wake up angry, you just wake up mad. When you’ve got more than one kid you just wake up angry. (pretends to wake up) “Who the, Wheres the? And get the? — — HEADS IN BEDS RIGHT NOW!” I don’t even know what that means but that’s my shit. “HEADS IN BEDS!”

Holding heads

I yell at my son all the time because he’s 3 months old now… he’s a man. “Hold ya head still boy!” (Pretends to be infant son by shaking head and looking confused) All day. (shakes head and looks confused) That’s so damn embarrassing. You know how stupid you look when you have company over and he’s like. (Shakes head and looks confused) “What’s wrong with your baby?” “Shit I don’t know! Put him on his stomach” But he still tries!(pretends like he’s his son laying on his stomach with a wobbly head.) My damn kid though…

My daughter is an asshole

I didn’t know you could get so mad at kids that you want to fight. Like my daughter is an asshole. She only knows a couple of words but its like every time I tell her something she’s got something to say back. Like the other day, We got into an argument over juice. She walked in and said, “Daddy juice.” So I said “No you’ve had enough juice today go get some water.” “ — -Baby gibberish — -” So I said “WHO THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU TALKING TO!” I was mad because I know she knew what she was trying to say! She just didn’t know how to say it. Like in her mind she was like: “You black midget bitch get the juice you punk ass daddy.” And I knew that’s what she was trying to say by her hand movements. All this shit: (moves hands) “You… Black… Midget… Bitch” I was so mad. Wanted to punch her right in the throat.

Chuckie Cheese

My daughter man… I’m so protective of my kids. I don’t even like going out with my kids cause ill get in arguments with the other kids. I think kids play too rough. Me and this boy got into it at Chuckie Cheese. It was an altercation not a fight. Cause he was in the ball pit and he was throwing balls at my daughters head. And my daughter so stupid she thought it was a game she was like. (dances like a small child with a big smile on face and pretends to be hit with balls in the forehead) She like daddy look!(smiles and keeps dancing)Im getting mad I’m like, “throw a ball back!” I look at my son he’s just like (Looks with stupid stare and bobs head around) I was upset at how my family looked as a unit! My daughter she’s taking balls to the face my son is shaking his head, I’m small we look like a fucking circus act! I’ve never been so mad at my wife in my life. “why would you dress us in different colors we look like clowns from now on when we go out we wear solid colors we look like a team… solid colors”

Stop drop and roll to the exit

My damn kids tho man you gotta accept what you have… the life that you choose. I can handle kids tho it’s the pressure that women put on men that’s crazy. Y’all don’t even realize how much pressure y’all put on men. (motions to man in front row) That your girl man? Man: “yes” So you know what Im talking about when I say pressure. She expects a lot from you. She wants you to provide for her and protect her. Like for instance if a big ass fire breaks out right now in here… First thing she’s going to do is look at you. And you gotta come up with a plan in her mind. “Baby hop on my back ima bust us out here” Bitch you better stop drop and roll to and exit. I’m scared too!

What women want

But that’s what women want! Im great provider I got money I’ll pay for shit. But women want a protector and I’m just not that kind of guy. I’m not a fighter I won’t say that I am I’ll never pretend to be. For an example lets say me and you are at the movies. (motions to woman in audience) And some guy comes up to you and smacks you in the face real hard. If you with me then you just got smacked… Im being honest. Im not doing anything about it. Now we can talk about it once we get to the car, we can discuss what happened and what we can do to make sure it don’t happen again. But in the moment I ain’t going to do anything about it because if he don’t care about your face he damn sure don’t care about mine. That’s common sense 2 black eyes isn’t going to get us home. That’s what I’m good at! Im a witness, I saw everything! When he hit you I hid behind the vending machines so he wouldn’t know we were together. Its none of his business who I’m with! I did not like how he kicked you when you fell. That’s where I got upset, because you gave up! You didn’t want to fight no more. Why would he put a book to your face? That’s just disgusting… He should be shot.

The Knockout

I’ve seen too many people get knocked out. That’s why I don’t like to fight.You ever seen someone get knocked out, Im talking Knocked… Out… It changes your opinion on fighting. Like that shit look like it hurt. I saw someone get knocked out. Me and my boy we at the club. “mmm mm get money” We having a good time. Out of nowhere he gets in an argument with a guy at the bar and the guy punches my boy in the face. Pow. (punches self in face slowly). When he hit him, my friend fell asleep. When he woke up he got mad at me he was like: “kev how come you ain’t get him?!” I was like “Man that’s some selfish shit, I just saw what he was capable of! He made you go to sleep, I’m not tired yet, I’m wide awake, I took a nap why would I walk into that ass whooping? If he hit me who going to wake who up? I don’t want to fall asleep at a bar that’s how you get raped! The high percentages of rape happen when people fall asleep in bars. I’m just telling y’all the stuff that I know.

Uncle Richard Jr

I saw my uncle get knocked out. That might have been the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. We were at a family reunion. It was a picnic with kids and shit around. My uncle got drunk and got in a fight with this guy about picnic space. He was like: “Hey man y’all ain’t no Harts yall need to get the hell out of this picnic space” So the guy was like “listen man I’ll move but don’t curse at me in front of my kids.” So when my uncle went to curse again and the guy hit him before he could even get it out, It happened so fast it was like: “let me tell you something F**k y.”(punches self in face) (pretends to fall and grab onto things) The funny this is that he was looking at him the whole time he fell. Oh just go down! fall… shit man! Man change came out his pockets. I ain’t never seen somebody get hit so hard that change come out they jeans when they stand up! You know how hard a nigga gotta hit you for loose change to come out ya jeans?! Soon as he got hit 35 cents in change fell out his pockets. Said god damn he made 35 cents come out old uncle Richard Juniors pockets. This is real stuff I’ve witnessed this man.

The Whistle

You got to know who you are as an individual. Like I’m not a fighter and I know I’m not a fighter. That’s why I carry a whistle. I’ll blow the shit out of a whistle. Fight me if you want to, you going to win the fight but you ain’t going to here tomorrow bitch. I’ll blow that whistle in your face bitch. (whistles) bitch… You got to know what you’re good at and what you’re not good at. Im a good arguer I can argue but you gotta know when to stop arguing. You ever want to fight someone?… until they stand up? You don’t have to fight if you don’t think you’re going to win. Let that other person know you ain’t going to fight. Like I was at this club arguing with this guy and I told him “hey man say something else and I’ma smack the shit out of you.” Haha that’s my thug look I get to clapping my hands. (laughs) “I swear to god (clap) on everything I love (clap) I’ma smack the shit out of you.” He got up and he was bigger than I thought he was so I was like. “Ah bring it in man (opens arms for a hug).” You can’t fight nobody doing this (holds hands out for a hug).

The Fight Move

I got 1 fight move, if you get past that I’ve got nothing. I don’t know what to do I’m just confused. I’m about to show y’all some classified shit. Ok here it is: “What? Who you talking to? (makes angry confused face)”(starts laughing) Stop this is serious. (laughs a lot) Ok here it is. “What? Who you talking to? Don’t act like you know me hey I said don’t act like you know me! BITCH SAY SOMETHING ELSE (full body jerk).” That’s it, Its real quick. That’s classified. Ill show yall one more time. “What? Who you talking to? Dude you don’t even know me! Don’t talk like you know me! BITCH SAY SOMETHING ELSE! (full body jerk)” It’s a quick shuffle of the feet. If you get past that Im done. It confuses people, you don’t know if Ima kick you, punch you, happy feet.

The Jumping

Got to know what you’re good at as an individual. Like I’m good at seeing things, at noticing things. Like one of my friends got jumped… and I was with him…but I ran. The reason I ran is because I saw it coming. You know when you see something coming and you start breaking it down in your head like “oh this does not look good… they look angry.” Let me tell you something its not good when you run on somebody and they survive the jumping. When you see em you don’t know what to say. When I saw him I was just like “hey… Look who’s alive! Up top man (puts hand up for high five) oh nothing… ok”

Kicked in the face

I saw somebody get kicked in the face before. That shit was funny. I think if you get kicked in the face then you deserve it. Because that means you watched a foot come to your face. Got to be an asshole to fight somebody using their feet. The reason I laughed is because the guy I saw get kicked looked at us for confirmation. He was like “ahhh (looks at kevin and group) yo! Aye yo!” I said “yeah it was him, better look at his other foot before he kick you again that guys good… hes good.” Would you fight someone using their feet man? (Points at guy in audience) Like if we go to fight ima tell you “put your hands up.” If you start stretching. (Kevin starts doing lunges and swinging legs) That means you know some shit I don’t know. I ain’t going to fight you.

The Parking Spot

There was this time where this guy. Well he didn’t use them on me but he was going to attempt to use them on me. I was with my mom and we in the parking lot of Best Buy. All the parking spots were full except this one that this truck was backing into but it was taking too long. So I got mad and stole it. Whipped into his spot real fast. (pretends to turn steering wheel with 1 hand) “bah bah.” You know when you do something bad cause your head down so he can’t see you and you roll your windows up. So he was like “Yo man I know you saw me backing into that spot so youre going to back out or were going to have a problem.” Chinese guy right, here’s how I know I don’t want this problem. “oh we got a problem?” (man slaps legs twice) “get… get into the car mom!” Anyone who smacks their knees twice is an assassin. He about to kick your god damn temple off your face. My mom goes “why we getting in the car?” “GET IN THE GODDAMN CAR BEFORE HE KILL US MOM!” know who to fight and who not to fight.

The Thug

I wish I could be a thug. I swear I wish I could be a thug.I just don’t have it in me. I talked to this thug once. We were in DC right and I talked to this guy for about 15 minutes. I swear I had no idea what we were talking about but he was so passionate about what he was saying I couldn’t leave. This is exactly what he said. “so me and tis guy are talking and he’s all woot woot right right but I’m like ahhhh you know what I mean ahhhhh you know what Im saying? flip that, bust that everybody get money, birdman (bird noise) (bird noise) I ain’t talk that shit ya know what I mean ahhhhh right right? Ahhhhhhh he comes back I’m like braaaaaat braaaaaat I look up he was dead.” I said “wow what? Woa woa? Who killed em?” I was so confused. I thought I was a witness? I said “was I there? Did I see this?’ I’ve never been more afraid in my life. I just don’t do good with thug stuff. Thug activities. Like this one time this thug told me he was going to pop the trunk on me. He said “Say something else and ima pop the trunk on your bitch ass.” Everybody ran but I was like “well where’d you park?” He looked at me was like “man get out of here!” I just wanted to know how far it was I might not have to run. We can catch the train and still get home.

The Rap Battle

I wish I could be a rapper or some shit. You know why I cant be a rapper? My voice ain’t deep enough. To be a rapper you gotta have a deep voice. I don’t think anyone would buy my album cause my voice is too small. “Yeah bitch I’m a killa ill shoot you in the face pew pew everybody going to die, everybody going to die.” “Did he just say pew pew? I ain’t buying that shit if he says pew pew.” Certain shit keeps you from being tough. You want to see what’s really keeping me from being tough look at this shit right here. (walks over to stool sits on it and starts swinging feet to show audience how short he is) Look at this shit! This is really fucking me up man. Ain’t nobody going to take what youre saying seriously if you swinging your feet. “I’ma kill everybody in here tonight! (swings feet and audience laughs) “I’m sick of the way I’m treated around here!” You (points to a girl with his foot) Would you talk to a guy at the club if he was swinging his feet? “hey baby girl let me talk to you for a minute (swinging feet points again) yeah you you know who I’m talking to! Hold on let me climb down and get my feet together, wait!” Rappers make me laugh. I swear rappers are funny man. You ever see rappers when they freestyling? You ever notice the more angry a rapper gets the higher his hands get? Like this is a rapper whos listening to the other guy. (mad face hands clasped at his belt line) “Yeah I got him, real talk.”(kevin starts laughing) hold on hold on this is serious. I’m not a rapper. This the real angry rapper. “Real talk I kill niggas, I slay niggas that don’t love it, nigga you wanna be me well come get it I get it back.” (Hands moving up his body as the rap goes on) The other guy be like “This nigga crazy hes about to stab me or something!”

The Slide Out

I can’t be that guy man. Theres so much stuff that I wanted to do that I’m realizing now I CAN’T DO. I wanted to be an R&B singer for a long time. I can’t sing but I can dance my ass off. If anybody in here is trying to be a singer? Im about to tell you what you need to know to make it, alright? This some classified stuff. All you need to know how to do. Is open your hands close them… and point… That’s it. I know it sounds crazy, yall are like what? I’m telling y’all it look good, just look. I’m not about to sing something but you watch and tell me it doesn’t look like I’m about to sing some stuff, look at this. (Opens hands, closes hands, points, moves hips and shoulders) “Oh shit!” “He gonna sing something! He gonna sing something! What he gonna sing girl?” That or the slide out. You don’t know who the lead singer is until they slide out. That’s the best shit ever. Like with the temptations. (pretends to be one of the temptations dancing in line with others) They be talkin shit too. They’re like “oh these bitches don’t even know what’s about to hit em, I’m about to slide out on their asses.” (slides out) “oh wow this guys good this guys really good.”

What Kind of Gym is this?

I was serious about my singing career. I was working out and everything. Had to quit working out cause some naked guy tried to talk to me at the gym. I was just getting my stuff out my locker. He came up to me and was like “so how long you been a member? I said “why is your dick hard? What kind of gym is this?” I aint like that and I didn’t have my whistle. If I had my whistle I would have felt better. I didn’t ask for a hug because he was hard! I didn’t want that poking me in the belly button… That’s kinda like intercourse a little bit! That could have made me gay, you put it in my belly button I might be gay. Im serious… Im just telling y’all about the stuff that I know. The stuff that I’ve been through.

The Strong Man

The real reason I stopped working out is I saw one of those real strong guys. You know what Im talking about no neck or anything. Real huge, just be in the gym working out. I saw him one day and I just got so mad. I was like “dude! Why are you still here? You won! You got em all why you still here?” Yall don’t understand how mad that make me. Someone being that big for no reason. Like if you’re going to get that big theres got to be a reason. When I ask you, you should tell me. I’m training for the Olympics, I’m going to enter the strong man competition. There’s gotta be a fucking reason but when you’re that big and you work for T-Mobile? You answering phones all day! You strong as shit and can’t even handle the headset! “HELLO HELLO THANK YOU FOR CALLING T-MOBLIE!” (Acts like strong man wearing headset) “Hraaaaaa!” Starts throwing shit around the office he gets so mad. “Raaaaaah.” (picks up stool and moves it) Sit your strong unproductive ass down man. Went through 37 handsets this month cause your damn hands to strong to just… (acts like strong man trying to hang up headset) “Ahhhh boss lost another one, that’s 5 today… just take it out my check.”

The Leg Machine

I don’t know how to use the equipment either man. The equipment has gotten to serious. There was a time where it was regular it had the instructions, It said what it was. Now they got all those universal machines. I was trying to workout the other day. You know the leg machine where you go (sits on stool flicks legs out twice)? Well I get there and its completely declined down. Like it was all flat so I thought it was arms. So I said “ok ill work my arms.” (lays on stool like its leg machine and does a set with invisible weights) My face was burning and everything. I was like “man I must be doing something right.” So when I got up this guy goes and sits right where my face was! I tried to tell him like “no man you’re doing that wrong that’s arms.” He told me “no this is legs.” “So that’s why my face is burning? Cause my face was where everyone’s balls was all day?” I was pissed off cause he watched me do 3 sets! Slapped me on the ass and everything! “come on man pull it!”

Little Big

I don’t like those guys at the gym that always have to make a scene. Like I was on the treadmill and I walk I can’t run. So im just walking and looking at my blackberry. So I just people watch and I see this guy and this guy was either going to jail or like just got out. He was one of those bigs like the little big. So here are the weights hes got three 45s on this side and three 45s on this side but he ain’t want to lift it until he knew everybody was looking at him. This is him right here. (Grunts, slaps chest, swings arms, claps, keeps looking at imaginary weights, lays on weight bench, slaps chest more) I was just looking I was like “oh hes about to do this shit right here!” He never did it! He just left! Just walked out the door! Who does that? Who gets someone that excited and don’t finish it? I was pissed off, why would you play with me like that?

The Zoo

Im really trying to get big man. I was serious about the gym. You know what else I thought the gym was going to do? I thought the gym was going to help me mentally. Had a lot of mental stuff I was trying to get over. Phobias and stuff… I said you get a little bigger start feeling better about yourself you don’t worry about that stuff you were afraid of. You got any phobias? (points at guy in audience) Oh not that you can think of? Oh you aint scared of nothin? You ever wake up and there’s an alligator in your room or some shit? Bet you be scared of that. You wake up ass naked, dick swinging? “Hey! Baby! Get a blanket! Get a blanket!” That’s a bad feeling right there. Im afraid of a lot of stuff man. Everything I’m afraid of I’m afraid of for a reason. I don’t want yall thinking I’m just saying this stuff to be funny. Like somethings happened to me and that’s why im afraid of what im afraid of. Like I don’t like gorillas. Cause I was at the zoo. It was daddy day so Im by myself. Got my son in my arm and my daughter right here. (motions to side) We looking at the gorillas and I’m trying to explain to my daughter what a gorilla is and while we are talking the gorilla smack the glass. (acts like gorilla hitting glass) Im talking hard as shit. In my mind… it just got out. I never got out the zoo so fast in my life! I was haul assign but you know when you’re running and you feel like someone about to catch you and you feel it on your neck? I was running but I felt something. I was like oh shit this gorilla about to grab me I didn’t know what to do so I panicked and dropped my baby. I was like “ahhhh!” (drops baby) Made it look like an accident. Everyone was like “you dropped your baby!” I said “ahhhhhh!”(shakes head no and keeps running) I had to take care of myself I ain’t like that, I’m serious. That’s where I’m at though.

Gnat attack

I don’t like a lot of shit… I don’t like gnats man. You know what Im talking about? Them little ass gnats. It’s cause when I was 9 years old I was at the park with my mom and I walked into a cloud of em. You ever see them in a circle or whatever? I walked into that shit and I panicked. I didn’t know what to do I just stayed there. (acted like a small child scared of gnats all around him) All my mom had to do was grab my hand and pull me out the gnats. My moms so damn dramatic she started screaming. “Somebody help my baby! He getting eaten by the gnats! JESUS CHRIST!” Now when I heard Jesus Christ I thought it was real! Thought they was eating me. Punched this girl in the face because of a gnat one time… I did! Me and this girl were having an intimate conversation and a big one flew by I was trying to get rid of the gnat but she was so close she caught the worst of it. We were talking like “yeah baby you should come over after.” She was like “ok I don’t mind.” I was like yeah Im parked right here just pull around that way to can follow me, actually you.” (starts slapping microphone wildly and guarding face) I looked up and she said “AHHHHHHHH! (high pitched girl scream grabbing nose)“You didn’t see that big ass gnat? Big ass gnat tried to lay an egg on my face! I know a pregnant gnat when I see one.” Just telling yall what I know. I’ve seen it man.

Racist Dolphin

I don’t like dolphins, I’m scared of dolphins. I am, me and my wife, we was in Maui right? We in Maui, she was like “Come on babe, we should go swim with the dolphins.” I was like, “Nah I told you, how I feel about them dolphins.” She was like, “Come on stop being a bitch, let’s just do it.” I was like, “Don’t call me no bitch.” She was like, “Bitch.” Man, whatever. And you know we don’t got a comeback. So you just gotta — “She stupid.” That’s all I had. I didn’t have nothing else to stay. So we go, we go, we got there. They got the dolphins in this tank. There’s like eight dolphins in this tank, right? When I get there I see this old lady, on the back of a dolphin. I see this little boy and I’m like, “You know what, babe, I might have been overreacting. Get the camera, take some pictures of me on the back of this dolphin.” I was hyped, right? I get in the water, on on the back of the dolphin. The instructor, he was like, “as soon as you grab the dolphin fin, dolphin gonna start swimming around you. So whenever you ready grab its fin.” I was like “alright, cool, I’m ready.” Soon as I grab my dolphin fin, my dolphin went straight to the bottom of the tank.” Like he just, he just went down. So, so because I was scared, I didn’t let go, I held on. Like — you know when you scared how you start to mentally create shit in your own mind. I was like, “okay, it’s obvious that I got a racist dolphin.” He don’t, he don’t like black people. He done, he done cut a deal with a shark, bring him a black piece of meat, something bad about to happen, right? So I let go, I get to the top. When I let go, I was so scared I start snappin’ on the instructor as soon as I see him. I was like, “nobody saw fuckin’ dolphin number eight missing, huh? Huh? Y’all didn’t notice I was gone for like 30 seconds? He tried to kill me! I was mad yo, I was so fucking scared, I like “y’all see the old lady, and the little boy, but nobody saw the black fucking swirl missing, huh? Huh? Nobody noticed that the black dot wasn’t going around? Y’all didn’t notice that? He was like, “calm down man, calm down. It’s three feet just stand up.” I was like “what? what’d he say?” I didn’t even realize that I was walking and talkin’ shit at the same time. Come to find out, I never even went underwater. What happened was some water splashed in my face and I panicked. “Oh, oh, oh!” Made it all up, made it all up. I was scared. I never lied that fast in my life. He was racist though, I know he was racist. You know how I know he was racist, ‘cause when I get out the water, you know how dolphins like — (dolphin sounds) they be doing that, like — Well, he looked at me, he’s like — nigga, nigga — and I was like what?” Blew my whistle in his face. I don’t play that shit. He don’t work there, I got him fired.

Man pigeon

I know people. What else don’t I like? I don’t like ostriches. I’m scared of ostriches. For those people who don’t know what an ostrich is, its a big ass bird, thats the same size as me. The birds are huge, okay? I’m in Nebraska, doing a show in Nebraska, I had to pee, so I’m on the side of the road, I’m peeing right? I get done peeing, I look to my left, It’s a big ass ostrich looking at me while I’m peeing. He was standing on one leg like this, his body was facing this way, but his head, his head was like this. Now, I didn’t know what he was doing so I didn’t say anything. My friend got out the car, he’s like, “yo whats that?” I was like, “I don’t know. Looks like a big ass man pigeon. I don’t know, I don’t know what it is, right? He’s like, “that ain’t no man pigeon.” I was like, “it is a man pigeon.” He took a pen, he threw an ink pen at it right? Soon as he threw the pen at it, hit the ostrich in the chest. Soon as it hit his chest his other leg came down. His body was still facing this way, but his head, his head was still like this. Now, when it — when his leg came down, this is when the bitch started to come out in me a little bit. I was like, “you know what, we should um, we should, we should probably go get back in the car because, because we don’t really know what that means.” You know what I mean, like that, that could be a sign. That could mean like, “you got 10 seconds to get the fuck out my face before I kill you. I’m gonna eat your kids.” We don’t, we don’t know what he trying to say, so let’s just get back in the car we safe at. So we get back in the car, soon as we get in the car I start laughing, I’m like “ah-ha-ha-ha you a bitch, man.” Like, “no you a bitch.” “No, no, you a bitch.” I’m laughing, I’m driving like 30 miles per hour. I look out the passenger window, the ostrich was running 30 miles per hour beside the car. His body was still facing this way, but his head was still like this, and he was haul-assin’ — at 30 miles per hour. Now, when I’m scared — like if I’m real, real scared, I get emotional. I, I’ll start to cry if I’m real, real scared. So I got a little emotional, you know, I looked at my friend, I was like “why would you — why would you fucking throw a pen at it if, if, if we, if we don’t even know what it is?” “No, no, no, I’m not sayin’ that.” I’m sayin’ like, I’m sayin’, we don’t even know what it is.” He’s like, “dude stop bitching, speed up, speed up.” I lie to y’all not, I started driving like 60 miles per hour. When I tell y’all that this ostrich was running 60 miles per hour, I’m not bullshittin’. His body was still facing this way, but his head was still like this. He was running so — you couldn’t even see his fucking legs he was going so fucking fast. He was, he was moving. And the reason why I was so scared, was because he never looked in front of him. Like, he didn’t care about a wall, another ostrich, he was just looking at us. But the way he was looking at us, it was like he was saying, “when I catch y’all, I’ma fuck both ya’ll up.” Over a pen. Over a goddamn pen. And I was like, “why don’t you just apologize?” You know what I’m saying — like? ‘Cause I didn’t throw the pen, I was scared. That’s the only time I ever shitted on myself in my life. I never shitted on myself, but I let it go that time. I let loose, I really did. ‘Cause I had to, I had to go, I really did.

What’s that smell?

No I shitted on myself before. This guy tried to stick me up, this guy came at me with his gun, he’s like, “give me your money, bitch! All of it, run it.” I was like, come on man, I, I have a..” He was like, “what’s that smell?” I was like, “I shitted.” He’s like, “get your ass outta here, ain’t nobody want to smell that while they takin’ your money man.”

Stomach in your face and eat yourself

I was honest, that’s what its about. I think that’s probably why women don’t respect me, ‘cause I’m so honest, seriously. My wife don’t respect me, I know she don’t. You feel like your lady respect you man? Y’all ever fight? No? Never fist fought- like fist fight, like a good one. Never? You’ve never tried to hit him, ever? No? You tried to hit him? I’m tellin’ you something man, I’m being honest with you. I promote domestic violence. I think, I think if you’re in a relationship, no I know it sounds crazy, I’m tellin y’all some real stuff. I think if you’re in a relationship and your woman has never tried to hit you, she don’t love you. Any woman that love you, is gonna try to hurt you at some point and time when you make her mad. That’s how you know when you got a good woman. I don’t mind that. I don’t like hypocrites. I don’t like women that are hypocrites. Like any female that will dare a man to hit her for like three hours then act surprised when he do it. I don’t, I don’t like that. I don’t like that — you ever see that? You ever see a woman talk all that shit, and then act like she don’t know where the consequences came from? “Yeah, yeah let me tell you something — I wish you would put your hands on me. No, no, no, no I wish you would — no, no, see let me tell you something, see you think I’m one of those regular bitches that won’t fight you back, that’s what you think. Let me tell you something — I promise you boo boo.” Hey you ever have a girl slow down on you like that? “But let me tell you something — I promise you boo boo, it’s not going to go down the way you thinking. No don’t be a bitch, don’t be a bitch and walk away. Come back, put your hands on me, watch what I do. You crazy! Help!” He not crazy, he just tired of you talking shit for three hours. That’s all that is. Women, y’all know how to push those buttons man. Y’all talented. Women you got a different level. Like y’all — ya’ll push men to a different level of anger. Like y’all ever get so mad when you argue with a girl and you can’t find the words so you gotta make a noise? You — the word is right there but you can’t get it out. “Bitch, first of all, I’m trying to do, I got all the, ah, stuff — ohh! Shit! Girl!” You don’t know where that noise came from, you never made that noise ever in your life. They make you get to those points, you ever outline a girl? You know what that is? That’s when you put your hands around your lady’s face, you don’t want to hit her, you just want to show her what you could do. It’s a scare tactic, its real fast. Bitch, say something else, I swear to god. That’s all it is, its real quick. “Say another, I swear to god I’ll..” Your threats don’t even make sense. I’ll make you put your stomach in your face and eat yourself. “What? What’d you say? Stomach in your face and make you eat yourself?”

Fuck you and your third ball

Every woman knows how to push a man’s buttons. That’s what y’all good at. You know how to make your man mad. You know how to piss him off, you know what to say to make him mad. He can argue with any other woman in here, he’s not gonna care what they gonna say. He be like, “shut up, beat it, get out my face.” You know how to get a reaction. “Fuck you Terrence, fuck you and your third ball!” “What? My third ball — don’t talk about my third ball!? That doctor said its a possible medical condition. It could be cancer!” He don’t like that. You — you know how to get those reactions out of him. Like, you know what my wife do to make me mad. I don’t like it when she sing when she get mad. I can’t stand that. I can’t stand when women get so emotional that they sing when they get mad. (in song) You ain’t gonna do shit. Nigga. You aint gonna do shit. You aint gonna do shit. You just gotta sit there, with the “you ain’t gonna do shit” face. That’s the face that say, you ain’t got nothin’ left. That’s what women do, women you play mind games. Stop forgiving men for stuff, and after you forgive them, then forgetting that you forgave them, and talk about that shit that you already forgave them for, and gettin’ mad about it. Stop doin’ that. You forgave him, forgive him! There’s nothing worse than being a man that messed up in the past, and you trying to correct yourself, but your woman keep bringing the past up. So now every time you telling the truth, it sound like you lying, and when you lying, it sound like you telling the truth. I’m saying, its at the point in my relationship where I’m afraid for my wife to hear me have fun. I be tryin’ to shut fun down, like, when she not around, and she call me, I get mad at my friends. “Shut the fuck, everybody shut up. Look, put your seatbelts on, buckle up, everybody- put your seatbelt on, I don’t know where she is, look safe. Look straight ahead until we figure this out, she crazy.” That’s what women do.

Battered man

Im’a tell you how you can tell a battered man. Want to know how you can tell a man has been through so much emotionally, when you speak to a man, whenever you speak to this man and he start talking about his relationship without you asking anything about it, that’s a battered man. Soon as you meet him, “hey, how you doing?” “My wife and I go camping every week.” “What?” “She likes cheerios too!” “What are you talk-” He’s battered, he thinks that you one of her friends, and she sent you to come talk to him. He thinks its a set up. He thinks you’re so crazy he’s thinking five steps ahead of you ‘cause he don’t know what’s what.

Respect me as a man

I’m just being honest with y’all. I’m telling y’all things that really go on. Tell you something else fellas, know when to fight your woman and when not to fight your woman, okay? When ever you in the car, don’t fight your woman. Not while you drive. Reason why ‘cause your face is open, okay? ‘Cause you don’t have any defense. I’m telling you guys, I’m telling you guys from, from my past, I’m telling you about things I’ve went through, okay? You don’t wanna do it. This is when I first find out my woman is crazy. We was on the highway and she hit me. First of all anyone that hit you on a expressway of any kind don’t care about their life, let’s, let’s get that out okay. We on the highway, we coming from an event, got my kids in the backseat, and we arguing. I’m like, “you know what your problem is, you don’t respect me as a man. Until you respect me as a man, we gonna always have problems. That’s why we fight so much. And I’m- honestly I’m thinking about puttin’ my hands on you. Keep on, and I’m- I’ma show you what that feels like, ‘cause you stupid, and you act- oh!” I- I never been so afraid for my life, dude. She tryin’ to kill me. I looked in the back, my daughter was like- (speaking gibberish).” Done turned my baby against me and everything.

Be a man, fellas

You gotta know. You gotta know your woman. Fella, don’t be afraid to be a man, fellas. I don’t care what you’re going through in your relationship, don’t be afraid to be a man. Stop being yes men. No woman wants a yes man. Don’t think that’s gonna make your, your relationship better because you agree with your woman all the time. Its not gonna make your relationship better, it makes you look stupid. You just sayin’ “yes” all the goddamn time. “Huh, yeah.” “Yeah, yeah, yeah, what, what do you need? Yeah, I’ll get it, yeah. Huh? Yeah. Yeah, alright, yeah. No, no, I’ll go now. Yeah, I’ll get it. Yeah, what do you need? Yeah. Alright. Okay. Yeah, yeah, no, I’ll get it now. Yeah. What? No, I just left, you want me to go back? Yeah, I’ll go back.” Fag, fucking get some balls. Be a man! Argue, that’s what you in a relationship for, you in a relationship to argue. That’s what men are there for, we argue. Even when you wrong. Argue. I’ve been caught red handed several times. Argue. You know how you win every single argument? Be loud. That’s all you gotta do. Women can’t handle that. Women can’t handle when a man’s voice, they break down. They don’t know what to do. I been caught. Just mean what you say, and after you say it, walk out. You can’t stick around. You gotta, you gotta — if you stick around and give them a chance to come back and confuse you. Say your point, and get the fuck out of the room. Go! “Kevin, I saw you! I saw you Kevin! I saw the bitch in your car! You gonna tell me I didn’t see you. I saw the bitch in your car!” “Bitch, shut up! Shut the fuck up, man! Every time I come in the house you got the microwave on, huh? Fuck you!” Walk out, bam. Don’t, don’t, you can’t give her a chance. She gonna be standing here like, “what — I?” “I thought, I thought he liked it when I used the microwave, I just — I don’t, I don’t understand him or what he wants from me anymore. I don’t understand.”

www.getagiraffe.com

I remember, one time we got in an argument over a giraffe. Swear to god, we were talking about money. You know, she was mad at me, she was like, “you spending too much money, I’m tired of you going out to these clubs, spending all this money, on all your little girls, that money need to be spent with your family.” I was like, “shut up, don’t tell me what to do with my money, its my money. If I want to go buy a giraffe, I’ll go buy a damn giraffe, okay?” I was trying to be a smartass, I’m being a smartass, I’m thinking its over. Out of no where, she’s like, “You ain’t gonna buy no giraffes in this house.” That’s, that’s when I lost it. “Ah, I bet I do buy a damn giraffe in this house. Tell me I won’t buy no damn giraffe. I’ll go on www.getagiraffe.com right now, and have that giraffe here tomorrow, teach that giraffe how to headbutt the fuck out of you. Tell me I won’t get no giraffe.” I tried to get one, you can’t get them. It’s hard to get a giraffe. It is. I swear I was gonna have that giraffe right outside my house, just walking. Just walking, just walking my giraffe.

All I gotta do is

You know the move that you can’t ever fall for? “All I gotta do.” You ever hear that shit? “All I gotta do is.” I fell for that shit one time, ‘cause we don’t know what you’re talking about. “All I gotta do is crimp my hair. We don’t know what the fuck a crimp is. “Oh, that’s it?” Just — he just stupid. “Oh, okay. Yeah, alright.” Dumbass man. “Yeah, cool, alright.” Been in the bathroom five damn days. “I thought you had to crimp it?” “That’s what I’m doing!” Then they flip it on you. You ever had a woman flip it on you. “I thought you said it was gonna be quick?” “Well I can’t do it if you in my face! Let me do it!” “Alright, yeah, alright, cool. Yeah. Let’s go out, I’ll let you crimp it. Sorry!” Just telling you what I know.

She took everything!

This is from experience. But woman, at the same time you gotta understand your man. You gotta know when to leave your man alone. Men give signs just like women give signs. If your boyfriend, or your husband drives a minivan, leave him alone. Any man that drives a minivan, does not care about life. He don’t give a fuck. He don’t. Every time he slide that long ass door closed he, he is cursing you the fuck outta his mind. “Stupid ass bitch got me driving a goddamn ambulance — sit down! Sit the hell down. Thoman, eat another booger off that windshield, I’ll kill you. I hate my life.” I’ll tell you the real sign, like if your man wear sweatpants with no pockets, that’s a sign. Any man that doesn’t have pockets, doesn’t care about life. You ever go a day without pockets? Think about how important your pockets are. That means you don’t care about change, receipts, your wallet, you don’t care! You don’t believe me? Try to get a man that don’t have pockets to wear pockets. Watch how mad he get. I tried to get my dad to wear pockets one time. We was going to church. I was like, “Dad, come on man, we going to church, put some pants with pockets on.” He’s like, “what the fuck I need pockets for? She took everything!” “Alright, haha, alright.” “Dad, you can use my pockets, dad.” That nigga’s crazy, he done lost his damn mind if he gonna stab on me about pockets.” Yeah, that’s family reunion laugh right there. Sounds like- like he gargling beer right now.

Thug dude

Them thug dudes, b, you ever see a thug dude? When they don’t want to laugh. “Cuz, get the fuck out of here now.” But he trying. They just be trying to cover up they laughs real quick. “Go ahead, nigga, everybody come here, not that funny cuz, not that funny. Trying to kill you nigga. Kill you.”

No happy woman

I talk all this stuff about relationships, but you know what, I like mine the way it is. I do. I like drama, I’m attracted to drama. I think if you’re in a relationship, drama’s good. I couldn’t deal with no happy woman. Could you deal with her if she was happy all the time? Every time you come home she got some happy shit to say. Think about it, soon as you walk in the door she just happy. Soon as you come home, “oh my god, who’s home? You are, you are! Woo, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle!” “Sit your stupid ass down! I got fired today, you want to tickle some goddamn body, sit down! Stupid ass!” Ha! Ain’t nobody want to deal with that shit. Drama. Trying to stab me. Ever have a woman pull a knife on you? That’s some sexy shit right there. “Bitch, put the, hey I’m not playing right now, put the fucking knife, you think, he do it again! Oh! Shit you got me! Yeah, that time you really got there. We should go to the hospital.”

I didn’t roll out the bitch

You know what it is, I don’t like the whole dating game though. That’s why I accept my situation. See a bunch of couples here now, just, y’all dating. I don’t like dating. You know why I don’t like dating? I try to impress women too much. That’s my problem. I went out, bought this big ass truck just to try and impress women. I didn’t know that everybody look tall in a truck, though. And you don’t notice somebody small until they get out the truck. I had to find out the hard way ‘cause I like to flirt. I’m at the stoplight, I saw this girl, I was like, “damn babe, you look good. Why don’t you pull over, let me talk to you for a second.” She was like, “alright, he kinda cute. Her girlfriend high five. They was happy. She was like, “get out, come talk to me, and I can’t get out of my truck, right? I gotta, I gotta, jump, but when I jumped out, I didn’t have a good landing, I stumbled a little bit, and all I heard was, “oh my god, he doesn’t have any knees!” And they just, they just pulled. They pulled off. This bitch, I got knees, it was a bad jump, ‘cause when I landed I twisted my ankle, my head hit the windshield. I was trying to pull myself up. I can admit that it look a little retarded, but to yell out that I don’t have knees is selfish, you know what I’m saying? How did I get out the truck, I didn’t roll out the bitch, that’s why I had an attitude.

I can’t staple anything

I had one girl that had one of those laughs that make you stop laughing. You ever meet somebody like that, with a laugh that’s so bad that you gotta stop having a good time? Because it wasn’t a laugh, it was like a snicker/snort. She did it at everything, stuff that wasn’t even funny. Like, we was going to the movies, I’m like, “you know what babe, its a long line, I’m gonna go park the car why don’t you go wait in line?” She was like, “alright I don’t mind (snort).” And at first I didn’t know what it was so I didn’t say nothing. I still had the car on, I was like the car shouldn’t sound like this ‘cause its a new car, you know what I mean? I just got this car, I better not have no damn problems with this car. I was like, “hey look, when you get out of line, go get some popcorn with a lot of butter.” She was like, “oh my god, I love butter!” And I was like, “okay, that was you that time, I saw you because you know I made eye contact, I don’t like that. That is nasty, ‘cause it sound like you swallowing snot or something.” But, then it dawned on me where she got it from. ‘Cause I met her dad earlier that day. Her dad had one of those laughs, I call it rich white guy life. You know what that is? It’s a laugh that’s followed by an awful joke. The joke doesn’t make you laugh, but the laugh eventually makes you laugh. He found out that I was a comedian, he kept trying to tell me jokes. He’s like, “So you’re a comic right? Okay. Um, alright, alright, alright, listen I got a um,I got a joke for you. You can, you can keep it if you want, I don’t mind. Um, alright, alright, alright you ready? Alright, okay, haha. Alright, this is crazy, its so good. Alright, so I’m at, I’m at the office. I’m at the office, I tell this guy, I said to him, what did I, wait, what did I say? Wait a minute, wait a minute. Alright, alright, alright, I got it. I got it, okay, alright. So I’m at the office right? So I’m at the office, and ah, I tell this guy, I said to him, I said, hey ah, pass me the stapler, but when you pass it, make sure staples are in it, because if it isn’t I can’t staple anything.” Ahh! I didn’t want to laugh, but he kept looking right at me while he was talking. Ahhh! Here’s the weird thing, like, you know how people clap when they laugh? They be like, ah! He had this clap he would do with his laugh, but I never knew when it was coming. I couldn’t time it. Like you know how sometimes you can climb a clap? I didn’t know when the clap was coming, so it was hard for me to participate and clap with him, because it took too long right? But he was still looking at me the whole time. He was like — ahhhh! That was like 57 seconds right there, I can’t wait 57 seconds. Long time ago.

I’m a thug first

I had this one tall girl. I didn’t care that she was tall. She was tall as shit, she was a model. I didn’t even care because she made me laugh. You make me laugh, that’s a bonus, because it’s my job to make people laugh. So if you make me laugh, its a turn on. One day, she tried to mess with me mentally. We in the supermarket right? I’m going to get some milk. Now, normally they put my milk, on the middle row in the aisle. For some reason this day it was on the top row. And like, you know, when you can’t reach something how you start stretching for it? Like, ahh- ‘cause I couldn’t get it, I was like ahh! She’s like, “babe, don’t stretch yourself, let me grab it for you.” And I turned around, there was a bunch of people in the aisle looking at her about to grab my milk. So I got mad, I punched her in the rib. I was like, “bitch don’t be trying to play me in front of them people.” She’s like, “I ain’t trying to play you.” I was like, “you are trying to play me. If you want to help me, pick me up and let me grab it. That’s how you help.” She’s like, “alright.” Because I’m a thug, I’m a thug first.

Double dating

Are you guys double dating? It’s like a double date right here. Kinda? That’s good. I would say don’t do it no more though. Don’t ever double date. You know why you shouldn’t double date? Because you compete with the other couple. You don’t even know you’re competing. I’m telling you, you compete. If i’m wrong, tell me I’m wrong, okay? Let’s say you lean over, you give your girl a kiss. Real innocent, muah, “love you babe.” First thing she gonna do is look at him, she’ll be like, “mmm, must be nice.” Now you’re competing. Now, now the only way you can win is to suck her titty right here. You gotta do it. That’s the only way. You gotta pull the titty out right now. That’s it. But women, y’all discuss personal business, and that personal stuff come out. It come out like when y’all, when y’all arguing, y’all all at dinner one night, and you having a good time, then one day you get mad. You like, “you know, Michelle, I hate you Michelle, you come out all the time, you get drunk, you mess up the whole night.” You be like, “whatever, fuck you, Tarique, at least I don’t eat ass!” You be like, what, what you, what you talking about?” “Oh, you don’t eat ass? Erica, he don’t eat ass!” Now, now, you gotta put her on the spot. “You told them I eat ass?” “Everybody was talking, I didn’t know that it would come out like this.” Now you gotta sit there with the “you ate ass” face, you just (make face). That’s, that’s the “you just ate ass” face. Conversation been over but you still mad. “First of all, only time I ate your ass, was on your birthday, let’s get that out of the way. No, no, no, you want to talk about it, lets talk about it, okay? I didn’t get you shit, you say eat your ass, I was like, “cool.” So i ate our ass. Don’t make it seem like I’m out here just eating your ass everyday. Everybody sitting here pushing my drink to the side like I got shit in my mouth. Fuck y’all man. Bet, I bet there won’t be no more ass eating up in here. I bet that. I bet that’s your last ass eating incident, ha!”

Look at that, dumb ass baby

Nothing funnier than people’s personal problems coming out in front of other people. That’s the funniest thing ever to me, when people’s personal problems get brought to light in front of other people, because you always gotta act like you didn’t hear it. You ever hear a couple argue? Like you hear some weird shit. You ever heard like, some weird shit? “Whatever bitch, you the one with all the dildos all up there in the house!” You be at the dinner table like, you try to whisper to your lady, “she got dildos in the house? This bitch is crazy, she got dildos all up in the house.” I think that’s the funniest stuff in the world, man. Other’s people’s problems, there’s nothing funnier than other people’s problems. Other’s people’s kids, I remember me and my boy got into it one day, because I told him I didn’t think his baby was where she was supposed to be mentally. That’s what I told him. I did, I told him that. I said, “I think you might have a dumb baby. There’s a chance that your baby might be dumb. You know, but I felt like, me, as your friend, I should be able to tell you that, you know what I’m saying? Like, I’m your friend, so my constructive criticism, should be good criticism to you. But he got mad, he’s like, “whatever, my baby’s smarter than yours.” I was like, “bet money.” He was like, “bet?” I was like, “what you want to do?” He was like, “let’s sit them in the middle of the floor, and see which baby can hold their head up the longest.” And I was like, “oh shit.” You know, my baby got a problem right? But I can’t back down, I was like, “bet bitch!” So we put our babies in the middle of the floor, and they was going at it. My son, my son was like, (shakes head.) And his baby was looking at my son, so his baby got dizzy and fell. I was like, “look at that, dumb ass baby.” I didn’t kick his baby, I just moved his baby away from my baby. I didn’t want that dumb stuff to wear off.

Heaven say hi

Hey, y’all have been a great crowd man. My name is Kevin Hart. Thank you all. I appreciate it. Love it! I should see, Michelle! Hey, see if I can get my babies. See if my babies are up before I go. I’ma show you all my babies before I go. Just act like I left already. I just want y’all to see my kid come out here shaking his head. I’ma see. Don’t move, don’t move. Y’all stay right here for a second. Look how nosy my son is, look at him here. He isn’t gonna smile or nothing. He angry, just look at him. Smile, man. Just smile one time. Stop, come on now. Do, do the thing daddy told you to do now. Yeah, oh okay, that’s cool, he’s still. Heaven say hi. Turn around! Let them see your face. Stop! Say hi. Into the microphone, just say hi. Say hi. Anyway, this is just so y’all can see that what I tell y’all is the truth. I really appreciate the love and support, and continue, y’all, it’s really going good for me right, it’s really going good for me right now, and I really genuinely appreciate the support. One again, my name is Kevin Hart. I love y’all. Take it easy.

There’s always a need for new superheroes. As society changes, the types of superheroes will probably change as well. (11.). We no longer need Superman to feel safe because we have an army and we no longer need Wonder-Woman because females have become strong and independant on their own. Kevin is just another in a long line of superheros that has found a need he feels obligated to fill and that is to fill the world with laughter.

All throughout Kevin’s standup we get sneak peeks into the man behind the mask. How he has trouble raising his kids because he never had a father when he was growing up. How he struggles to remain faithful to his wife and still tries to talk to other women when he gets the chance. How he just wants his mother to see him as a big shot weather it be winning a fight over a parking spot so she doesn’t have to walk as far to the store or accepting an award for his comedic genius. Thats ok though because the best superheros are never perfect.

Kevin is at the happiest point in his life and it has little to do with the money or fame. He understands others pain and knows that he is giving every audience a few brief seconds of happiness with every joke he tells. Although it may seem like our hero is cracking from the pressure of his divorce, DUI and his recent reconnection with his father its hard to blame a boy who came from a single parent home in the ghetto for not understanding how to handle all his fame and publicity. At his core Kevin just wants to make people happy and has a supernaturl ability to do so and that is what makes him a modernday superhero.

Works Cited:

1. “Kevin Hart: 15 Things You (Probably) Don’t Know About the ‘Ride Along’ Star.” The Moviefone Blog. Accessed April 1, 2015. http://news.moviefone.com/2014/01/17/kevin-hart-facts/.

2. “Can Animals Distinguish between Human Races?” Occams Razor. March 12, 2014. Accessed April 1, 2015. https://occamsrazormag.wordpress.com/2014/03/12/can-animals-distinguish-racial-groups/.

3. “Ostrich.” Wikipedia. Accessed April 1, 2015. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ostrich.

4. “Domestic Violence: Statistics & Facts.” Safe Horizon. Accessed April 1, 2015. http://www.safehorizon.org/page/domestic-violence-statistics--facts-52.html.

5. “Average Happiness vs Transcendent Moments | Geek in Heels.” Geek in Heels Average Happiness vs Transcendent Moments Comments. Accessed April 1, 2015. http://www.geekinheels.com/2010/12/17/average-happiness-vs-transcendent-moments.html.

6.”Yes-Men and No-Men: Does Defiance Signal Talent?” Latest TOC RSS. Accessed April 1, 2015. http://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/mohr/jite/2003/00000159/00000003/art00003.

7. “GetaGiraffe.com.” GetaGiraffe.com. Accessed April 1, 2015. http://getagiraffe.com/index.html.

8. “Quotes About Laughter.” (466 Quotes). Accessed April 1, 2015. http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/laughter.

9. “Facts and Figures. (n.d.). Retrieved March 28, 2015, from http://withoutafather.com/facts.php”

10. Kevin Hart. (2015). The Biography.com website. Retrieved 01:54, Apr 01, 2015, from http://www.biography.com/people/kevin-hart-21129845.

11. The Dark Night Quotes. (1990, January 1). Retrieved March 28, 2015, from http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0468569/quotes

12. Borresen, K. (n.d.). Kevin Hart Divorce: Ex-Wife Torrei To Receive Settlement, Child Support. Retrieved April 1, 2015, from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/22/kevin-hart-divorce_n_2933725.html

13. Kevin Hart. (n.d.). Retrieved April 1, 2015, from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevin_Hart

14. WATCH: Kevin Hart Goes Nuclear On Mike Epps After Being Called “Overrated” (2014, May 3). Retrieved April 1, 2015, from http://www.gossipcop.com/kevin-hart-mike-epps-fight-twitter-feud-may-2014/

15. Gallery For Kevin Harts Uncle Richard Jr. (n.d.). Retrieved April 1, 2015, from http://imgarcade.com/1/kevin-harts-uncle-richard-jr/

16. A day in the life of Kevin Hart. (n.d.). Retrieved April 1, 2015, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0a42xYLFjxI

17. Kevin Hart Tries to out sing Trey Songz. (n.d.). Retrieved April 1, 2015, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwwOtZYhocM

18. Kevin Hart on DUI: 'This Is a Wake-Up Call' (2013, April 15). Retrieved April 1, 2015, from http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/entertainment/2013/04/kevin-hart-on-dui-this-is-a-wake-up-call/