I subscribe to the Ruth Bader Ginsberg philosophy of sexism — it hurts women AND men alike. I don’t think it’s fair women are expected to leave earlier to pick up kids and men aren’t. Parenting comes in many different forms and in a free and equal world, men can leave to pick up their kids just as easily. I don’t think it’s fair to qualify this as “the hand we were dealt.” For example, until the 70s many US legislation didn’t allow men to be caregivers. It actually took lawsuits advocating *for men* to, for example, get care benefits to care for their aging mothers to change this. This isn’t the hand they were dealt, this is the implicit expectations society had set upon them and it took change to improve it for everyone.
In terms of hands I’m actually dealt, I’m very tall for a woman (almost six feet). It means I’m probably never asked to crawl into a small space but hey I may be asked to reached things from high shelves. For some jobs, this might be relevant however for the most part it’s a small part of my life — besides the fact that a great fitting t-shirt can be hard to find. That said, I’ve never been in a situation where I have to think “hey, how come no tall people of equivalent level are invited to this meeting?” or “hey did that person deliberately turn to someone else when they had technical questions because I’m.. tall?!?!” Sub in “female” and I can’t say the same. Neither height nor gender are requirements of the jobs I’ve had. People of all heights and genders are able to perform them that said it became a factor when it really shouldn’t have been. Sometimes this is solved by simply correcting someone that you’re actually the subject matter expert. Sometimes this is more damaging and not something a simple conversation can resolve.
To use your example, if you manager assumed you were gay and therefore didn’t invite you to do a stereotypically man’s man activity (lets say an offsite with race car driving). Lets pretend that at this event all the other presumably straight men discuss the company future and set goals after a round of beers. This would be problematic. Now imagine you, knowing exactly how capable and interested you are, have to prove that “hey, I should be there too!” If it happens once? You’d probably go home and gripe to your friends but you’re resilient, you’d be totally fine. If it happens repeatedly and suddenly it’s not just an offsite but meetings regularly occurring? I have nothing to says but “that shit is exhausting, yo.” This doesn’t happen at every meeting or even every company but it happens more often than most people are aware.