How to take a new profile picture when you should be doing anything else
Messy hair? No makeup?
Didn’t sleep great the night before?
Overcome with the stress of packing your life into a suitcase and moving to another county?
Don’t let that stop you from taking a new profile picture!
Step #1: Red Lipstick
Really lean into that edgy I-had-nightmares-all-night style with your own iconic red lip.
You didn’t forget to put on makeup today — you’re wearing a classic French look.
It’s the only accessory you need. You planned this look for days.
Step #2: Pout
Smiling is weakness. Stare into the camera — not your face on the screen — so they cannot predict the exact moment of your attack.
If you can’t pout, smiling with your eyes is allowed, especially if you do it while thinking of a secret or cake.
Step #3: Instagram Filter
The makeup of the internet.
If you don’t post #selfies just go through all the steps of publishing to Instagram and then screen shot and abort mission.
I went with Clarendon but you have options here. Make sure to spend at least 15 minutes trying all of the filters.
Do whatever and then slap on a black and white filter. Just understand this comes with the added responsibility of constantly having fresh-cut flowers to decorate your loft and quoting 1930’s films.
Yes, you need to buy a loft now. Don’t complain to me — I don’t make the rules.
If you are not ready for that kind of commitment, use the scary picture and text this one to a friend with no context.