“Oh, I’m so sorry!”

That’s what friends and family tell me when they hear that I’m now unemployed. The non-profit I worked for, while brilliant in many ways, hit hard times and ended up laying off a bunch of its employees. Myself included.

Unemployment isn’t awesome. But, like many rough experiences, unemployment provides a lot of valuable lessons. These are the lessons that I’ve learned so far.

Lesson 1: You’re Really F*cking Privileged

Let me begin by saying I hate that word. When people say it, they seem to spit along with it. It can shut down a lot of really important conversations. There’s a lot of guilt attached to it.

And while unemployment didn’t *teach* me about my privilege (I’ve had way more profound experiences that did that), it did bring it to light in a new, very real way.

No one is going to make sweeping statements about the color of my skin or my religion or ethnic background because I am unemployed. I have a supportive group of friends and family who have my back in case I need anything. I have a stupid amount of education, and the only debt I have is to pay for it. I can read and understand the insane amount of confusing paperwork it takes to file for government assistance programs. I am, in a nutshell, privileged.

And I have to admit openly that learning lessons from unemployment is something I can do because I’m privileged. Not a day goes by without me really considering all of this inequality, and motivating me to continue working to change it.

Lesson 2: Re-Evaluate Your Path

Toward the end of last year, it was obvious I wasn’t happy. I was having recurring nightmares and neck spasms. I had a short temper and isolated myself from my friends. My job was turning me into someone I didn’t like: a sickly, caffeine-addicted, sleep-deprived, belligerent hermit.

So the emotion I felt when my boss broke the news about my position wasn’t sadness. It wasn’t anger or resentment.

It was bittersweet… freedom.

It’s pretty easy to know when something isn’t working, but fear usually gets in the way. I didn’t quit even when I recognized my unhappiness because I was afraid of what might happen. And of course, I was afraid of what others might think of me.

Lesson 3: Redefine Success and Failure

Some people would say having a fancy job, making a lot of money and being in power is the definition of success. So getting laid-off or struggling to find work can make you feel like there’s something wrong with you. When you’re unemployed, it’s easy to feel a bit like a failure.

Unemployment taught me how to reconsider the standards I use to judge myself. You get what you measure. We define success by money. And so that’s what we get– lots of people striving toward lots of money. But we don’t measure happiness in any systematic way. And as a result, we don’t get lots of happiness.

Lesson 4: Stop Comparing

The other day, my friend told me she was getting married and buying a house, because it was the “adult” thing to do. I told her I just got laid-off and bought a surf-board.

It was a little awkward.

Unemployment showed me that the only time I doubt my choices and lifestyle is when I compare them to the choices of other people. When I look at my experience through the values of others, I feel stressed and anxious. When I look at my experience through the lens of my needs and values, I am at peace. We each have different paths in this life, and there’s no use ranking or comparing.

Lesson 5: Look for the Happy

What makes your heart open up? What makes you feel lighter?
Do more of that.

What makes you stressed? What makes you feel heavy and sluggish?
Do less of that.

This was a simple lesson, but not an easy one. Negative emotions are addictive, especially if you’ve got a lot of downtime (like… during unemployment.) Don’t fall for it. Instead, look for the happy. When you’re positive, positive things come your way… or something.

It’s hippie physics.

Lesson 6: Walk Around the Horse

When I was 15 and just beginning to learn about Buddhism, my teacher gave me some advice:

“When a horse is in your path, walk around it.”

I’m really bad at that.

Unemployment showed me how much I like to be in control. But it’s just a fact: I can’t control everything. I can’t control what people think of me, I couldn’t control what happened to the funding at my job, and I certainly can’t ever control those jerks who are blocking the on-ramp to the 405. But I can control my words and actions to those situations. I don’t have to torture myself over things I cannot control. I just have to put energy into the things I can.

Lesson 7: Slow Down

This is going to sound weird, but a lot of people I’ve spoken to who have been through unemployment wished they had enjoyed it more.

Don’t get me wrong: unemployment really sucks. But at least for me, I can’t help but think that in our world of 40-60 hour work-weeks, 2 weeks vacation a year, being forced to pause isn’t the worst thing that could happen to you.

There are so many books to read, so many events to volunteer for, so many rocks to climb and waves to surf. I’m learning how to build websites, brushing up on my Spanish, studying for the GRE, traveling all over the place, and feeling more alive than ever.

So when my friends say they’re sorry I lost my job, I tell them they shouldn’t be sorry at all.

I’m not.