Best 22 Tips And Tricks To Stay Longer In Bed

There are several ways for sex to go wrong, including inadequate lubrication, awkward angles, and being in the incorrect “mood.” Another typical issue that might, well, arise but is somewhat less talked about? untimely ejaculation.

Author of All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life Gigi Engle, a licenced sex educator, asserts that premature ejaculation is frequently caused by an underlying physiological or psychological problem. The issue of ejaculating too rapidly should be brought up with your doctor, according to the patient. However, Engle believes that society places an excessive amount of value on working hard for as long as you can.

There is nothing shameful about premature ejaculation, and let’s face it, nobody needs an erect penis in their life.

Still, it might be difficult if you and your partner don’t leave happy. Fortunately, it’s a problem that can (simply!) be solved. Here’s how to assist your lover stay in bed longer so you can both complete the race together.

How long do individuals usually stay in bed for?

According to Jessica O’Reilly, PhD, sexologist, author of The New Sex Bible, and host of the @SexWithDrJess podcast, penetrative sex typically lasts three to six minutes. According to Beverly Hills-based urologist Dr. James Elist, MD, premature ejaculation is informally described as occurring one to two minutes after entering a partner.

However, erectile dysfunction itself is rather typical. According to a 2014 research from the Current Opinion in Nephrology and Hypertension, it affects about 30 million Americans annually. So what do you do? Input from experts.

1. Propose a warm-up.

Make masturbation a part of your foreplay before engaging in sex. “Tell them you want them to watch you touch yourself, they will love it,” advises Emily Morse, PhD, a sex therapist and host of the podcast Sex With Emily. Additionally, it will give you a head start and narrow the orgasm gap so that you and your partner are on the same page during sex.

2. Foreplay at every opportunity.

Sex includes foreplay. Therefore, missing it is detrimental to all parties concerned. Additionally, physical or oral stimulation, according to Tom Murray, PhD, a sex and relationship therapist at A Path to Wellness Integrative Psychiatry, are alternative (perhaps more efficient) ways to turn your spouse on. So go back to those erogenous areas and enjoy yourself.

“Penis owners might ask their partners what they think would be enjoyable. Rapid ejaculators may initially concentrate on making their partner orgasm before engaging in penetrative intercourse, the researcher continues.

3. Consider a cockring.

According to O’Reilly, cock rings are placed around the base of the penis, typically around the shaft, testicles, or both. They increase pressure at the penis’ base, which limits blood flow. Their orgasm may therefore be postponed as a result, lengthening its duration.

4. Consider a fleshlight.

When using a fleshlight, one may take their time and practise on various approaches to become more acclimated to the feeling of penetration.

“Fleshlights create a closer approximation to penetration without the social pressure of having a partner present,” claims Murray. The individual can engage in breathwork, the squeeze method, or the stop-start technique in settings and with stimulation more akin to penetrating sex.

5. Use the “squeeze method.”

According to Dr. Debra Laino, DHS, a Delaware-based relationship therapist, board-certified clinical sexologist, and sex educator with the AASECT certification in sex education, have your spouse leave when things get heated for them, then squeeze the head of their penis. The secret is to gently squeeze their head while applying strong pressure with your thumb and fingers to the shaft of their penis. The squeezing might prevent ejaculation, allowing you two to continue longer.

6. Utilise a condom.

PSA: Condoms work well to extend penetration. The sensation isn’t quite as strong since they add another layer of isolation. This can just barely stop your partner’s orgasm long enough for you to have your own.

7. Try an on-strap.

Say it with me: Anyone can wear strap-ons. Yes, even for those who have genitalia. After ejaculating and moving into the recuperation period, a penis owner is perfectly acceptable to wear a strap-on dildo, according to Murray. He continues by saying that you could even utilise a real mould of an individual’s erect penis for penetration. Anyone have any penis moulding kits?

8. Change places.

Most individuals are aware when they are going to orgasm, thus O’Reilly advises having your partner change positions when they sense it is about to happen.

You may even be able to recognise a problem and act decisively: According to her, when climax approaches, you can typically feel your partner’s testicles getting tighter and elevating more noticeably. According to O’Reilly, when a penis-haver orgasms, they experience two sets of contractions, spaced on average 0.8 seconds apart from one another. Slowing down or altering the beat might potentially postpone the release of the orgasm when moving at this tempo or quicker and with a predictable pattern.

Here, you might need to try a few different things to determine what works best for you two. (Morse advises attempting manoeuvres like going on top, which will aid with speed control.) Change things up a little by discussing your partner’s interests.

9. Take brief vacations.

Laino advises adding small stops and starts to the mix because no one says you have to run hard and quickly the entire time. Have your lover pull away and kiss you briefly while you’re having sex, she advises, to help decrease the enthusiasm. Additionally, it fosters greater closeness.

10. Make them exercise their pelvic floor.

Fun fact: They’re not only for the genitalia! Pelvic floor exercises can be beneficial for penis owners and have a significant impact in the bedroom. Men who practised pelvic-floor exercises for a few months were able to enhance their capacity to regulate early ejaculation, according to a Swedish study. (To be clear, all of the guys in the study had chronic PE problems.)

Encourage your companion to perform some daily workouts while seated at their workplace whether or not they cope with it. They only need to contract the muscles that are located between their tailbone and genitalia. According to O’Reilly, it may make a significant impact, and hey, it can’t hurt!

11. Continue.

According to Rachel Needle, PsyD, a licenced psychologist and sex therapist at the Centre for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida, just because they finish doesn’t mean you have to.

Laino concurs. She claims that sex doesn’t have to end with an orgasm. They will probably obtain another erection and have one that lasts a little bit longer the second or third time if the afterplay continues.

12. Be kind while speaking to your partner.

If you’re genuinely worried about your partner’s capacity to stay in bed longer, show empathy when you discuss it in person. According to Engle, “This issue carries a lot of stigma and can elicit strong negative feelings.” Since we place so much pressure on men to “perform” and “last a long time,” it’s not surprising that many individuals would become anxious as a result.

Plan your strategy in a way that would be most acceptable to your spouse by considering how they may respond if you brought up the subject. You are the person who knows them the best!

13. Be problem-oriented.

As a board-certified sexologist, licenced marital and family therapist, and AASECT-certified sex therapist from Colorado, Jenni Skyler, PhD, notes, “Bringing up this issue with a partner can be sensitive.” Thus, concentrating on practical premature ejaculation solutions pays off.

Skyler advises adhering to the following outline. “Can we chat about a sexual dynamic that I have been noticing?” ask yourself while approaching your lover. You should then say something like, “I know this may be hard to hear, but I would like to work on some techniques around lasting longer during sex.” From this point on, the two of you are free to be solution-focused, which means you’re prepared to come up with a strategy.

14. Avoid discussing this in private.

Even though this is a sexual matter, Engle says it’s preferable to conduct any talks about closeness outside of the bedroom. “It can be very upsetting to bring up sexual issues when someone is naked and vulnerable in the moment,” the author explains. Have this one instead when you and your friends are eating supper or watching TV. Try to envision a relaxed setting where your partner will feel most at ease and least criticised.

15. Try out the delay spray.

If you’re having problems, try a delay spray, advises Engle. Not familiar with delay spray? According to Engle, “it uses numbing agents to lessen a little sensitivity, helping to maintain an erection for longer as a result.” All you have to do is spray it on your partner’s genitalia around 10 minutes before intercourse, and the majority of bottles are rather inexpensive.

16. Discover the source of their anxiety.

The bottom fact is that worry frequently contributes to premature ejaculation. The difficulties in life may be the cause of the anxiousness, says Skyler. The worry could also be brought on by worries about choosing the correct partner, contracting a STI, or starting an unplanned pregnancy.

You may rule out any medical or preferred explanations for the problem if you and your partner determine that your problems with premature ejaculation are anxiety-related. This gives you the freedom to deal with their uneasiness head-on, allay their concerns, and, if things don’t improve, seek medical or therapy care.

17. Avoid going into sex with a failing mentality.

According to Skyler, having sex anxiety might start a negative feedback cycle. “If you’re anxious, you enter the sexual encounter expecting the worst.” This is certainly not a prescription for a satisfying sexual encounter, and Skyler warns that your partner’s anxiety may even become a self-fulfilling prophesy. They act as though they are going to arrive too quickly.

18. Try practising deep breathing.

Anyone can get anxious or tense due to pent-up sex-related energy. Making sure your partner’s body is as calm as possible, both physically and psychologically, is important because of this. You need to calm down your body’s anxiousness, Skyler advises. Breathe slowly and deeply into the centre of your abdomen to accomplish this. You may also practise progressive muscle relaxation, which involves squeezing a body area while holding your breath before releasing it and relaxing. Slow breathing is intended to help you relax to the point where you feel like you’re melting into your bed.

And sure, practising these breathing techniques may require stopping for a couple of those deep belly breaths during foreplay or intercourse, according to Skyler. If you can, try to reframe your understanding of intercourse to take these pauses, breaths, and relaxations into account.

19. Take the reins.

Instead, Skyler advises, make it all about you if you’re concerned that your spouse might find it odd to take a few minutes to unwind. Speaking anything along the lines of, “I’m working on a new skill set to last longer, would you mind pausing while I relax for a few moments?” would help you express your wish to practise a new breathing technique before or during your upcoming sexual encounter.

Skyler asserts that, especially if it’s about you, “most partners are totally game to be part of the learning process and supportive for the long-term gains.” This relieves them of the responsibility and puts the initiative in your hands to propose the things you wish to explore.

Locate your zone of endurance.

Skyler also suggests having an empowering, ego-boostering masturbation session. Practise enjoying yourself as though you were having sex, she advises. Lay close to one another and begin to touch one another, almost reaching a climax.

Slow down the breathing and stroking, duplicate the position, and apply lubricant. Find an arousal level that you can tolerate in this situation. The endurance zone, as I actually refer to it, Skyler explains.

21. Include games in the discussion.

Look, discussing sex may be quite challenging, especially with a committed partner. However, if you include games in your sexual repertoire, it will be simpler.

Want some ideas? Shamyra Howard, LCSW, Lovehoney’s sex and relationship expert, advises playing question-provoking games like the Kinky Confessions Truth or Dare Card Game or the Use Your Mouth Sex and Relationship Conversation Starter Cards. These are enjoyable, interesting methods to discuss sex and deepen sexual closeness, according to Howard. It’s basically the ideal time to discuss how to prolong sex without making it awkward.

22. Verify your prescriptions.

According to Howard, there are a number of reasons why some penis owners might not be able to stay in bed as long as they’d want, including health problems and prescription side effects. “Make sure to consult a medical expert to rule out any potential medical conditions that could underlie sexual problems.”

When should my spouse and/or I visit a physician?

It might be quite beneficial to seek out expert assistance from a third party. And the individual who is experiencing it alone can decide when it is appropriate to consult an expert. Consulting a urologist or sex therapist may be a fantastic place to start if you believe that treatment premature ejaculation is making your encounter less joyful or gratifying.

“Urologists can help assess, diagnose, and provide treatment options for premature ejaculation,” claims Dr. Elist. Premature ejaculation, he continues, can last a lifetime. Additionally, stress and worry, being in a new relationship, getting over a divorce, or an underlying medical issue can all contribute to the development of it.

On the other side, a sex therapist can help by helping you deal with any stress or worry that might be the reason for or effect of early ejaculation. Any sentiments that arise from both sides may be addressed by attending sex therapy sessions with your partner. You can do this.