At age 24, I had just had a baby and was at home all day for the first time since I was 5. My anxieties and restlessness manifested in a series of attempts to stay busy that included painting a chalkboard on the dining room wall, re-tiling the laundry room, and painting the deck. I became suddenly aware of how very lonely I was. I didn’t have any friends in the city where I moved after law school. I didn’t even have coworkers anymore. I longed for community, acceptance, and a sense of belonging.
I hadn’t been to church since middle school, except for the one time I went with a roommate in college and ended up in a weird basement with a bunch of grinning white twenty-somethings, singing, tambourines. I signed up for a class on religion in undergrad but dropped it after seeing the syllabus to add something simpler — more befitting of an elective course. I didn’t know if I believed in anything, and I didn’t know if I wanted to believe in anything. But I knew that church was one place an adult could make friends without looking like a huge creep.
So I found a church. I went once and it was fine. Everyone was nice enough and they were all dressed like a Banana Republic catalog, happy and glossy. I saw potential and I planned to go back. I also planned to run more and buy some nicer clothes. Around the same time, I started using Twitter. I used my real name, I used hashtags, I followed famous people. Then, something happened. I found funny people. Normal people who are just really great at making jokes in 140 characters. I watched, I learned some things, I made jokes and got feedback and my account grew. I went anonymous. I took some bolder risks that would otherwise be a hindrance on my career or personal life. I met some really wonderful people. I found kind, funny, witty, lonely people. People who I grew to care about and enjoy and built friendships with. People who I still call my friends today. “We understand,” they said, “You’re doing something right.” I found community and acceptance and validation in the network I built online.
I never went back to church.
