Recap: My Questions for the Real Ray Donovan.

What do you do for fun? Anything? Or is staring into the void basically the tits for you?

Does your phone battery ever die on you out of nowhere, much like everything else in your life, or do you have one of those Mophie portable charger thingies?

What shows do you DVR?

How do you keep your whites so white? Related question: Have you ever tried Flaming Hot Cheetos?

Are you a registered voter?

Do you poop at the office, or just destroy the nearest Starbucks as needed?

Do you have a Yahoo account or Gmail? Have you ever hit reply-all by mistake?

Have you ever had a knee-slapping grand ol’ time at the “Country Bear Jamboree” live show at Disneyland?

Ever thought about getting Lasik surgery?

Do you hate being at home, or is it that you just really love being in your car? Is that thing a lease?

When was the last time you parallel parked?

Are you a good tipper, or just so-so?

Where do you stand on cats as pets?

Where do you stand on “Cats,” or musical theater in general?

Did you give Van Halen a chance, post-David Lee Roth?

Have you line danced before?

When you lived in Boston, did you ever check out the Mapparium?

Are you starting to feel like you peaked early?

Have you considered a Tony Robbins workshop?

Do you sometimes get the feeling you’re missing something really big that points to the purpose of your existence? For example: Where your kids are. No really, you might want to check on your kids.

Jess Tardy is a writer and singer who sometimes conflates TV characters with real people.